Is This Scary or What?

I came across this video the other day and was appalled. The thought of Americans spewing this type of venom made me truly sad. It scares me to think that this is happening in our country. With all that we as a people are facing right now, I find it hard to believe that we have made little progress in the area of racism. Or is this plain ignorance? I find that hard to believe in an era where information is just a click away. It seems to me with all the problems we as a country are currently dealing with right now like the economy, people losing their homes, the loss of jobs, the price of gas, and so much uncertainty, that instead of spreading fear and division, we should be coming together. If anything, these trying times are an opportunity for us to step up to the plate and show how together we are. People are hurting. Why add such ugliness?

Watch and see for yourself.

My Bliss

Today I was struck by the many blessings I have in my life.  Among the many, my family, my friends, my home and what I do for a living. I don't take any of this for granted.  Which brings me to what I wanted to share.

I know it sounds crazy for me to even comment on this, but it really is an overwhelming feeling to know that I get up everyday and actually look forward to what the day has in store for me. Because no matter what the day may bring, I'm ready! Bring it on!

My husband, Earnest, wakes up a little more spunkier that I and he usually starts the day with, "What will this day have in store for us?",  and then he sings,  "...it's just another perfect day. I love LA!".

And he's right!  I love where I live. I love what I do.  I love my job.  I can't really call it that because it doesn't feel like work to me. In fact, my husband on occasion has called me a woman of leisure!  To me, I am just following my bliss! 

And it all started some sixteen years ago when my husband (who was just a friend at the time) asked me to describe my perfect day. Wow, no one had ever asked me to do that.  I remember describing my day as waking up and living in a place where the weather is always warm and sunny.  I saw myself  surrounded by natural beauty. I knew I wanted to live near the beach and close to mountains.  My mornings would include having the choice of where and when I went in to work (no nine to five for me!) and I was adamant about working for myself.  I saw myself as the boss and someone in charge. (No more working for the man!) I was also specific about working in a field where there was no limit to what I could achieve.  I saw children in my life and wanted to run my own company with an office close to my home so that I could always be available to my family. I also described how I would spend my evenings and wanted to share my life with my closest friend - my husband. 

After this exercise, Earnest calmly asked me, "So what's holding you back?"

Well needless to say, I was forever changed. Somehow just hearing myself and thinking it, made it seem possible. I figured, if I can THINK it, maybe it CAN happen! 

Well, I am here to tell you. If you can conceive it and believe it, then you CAN achieve it.

That doesn't mean that being the boss is easy, nor that running my own company is a breeze. On the contrary. And I have on some bad days, been tempted to leave it all and go work a regular job. But, what I have learned is that the headache I experienced working for someone else feels the same as the headache I get owning my own company.   

Given the choice, I'd much rather be the one who inspires our workers and those around me. And when the opportunity arises, to also be the one that encourages the many I come into contact with to start their own companies. In essence, for them to follow their own bliss. We (Earnest and I) make it a point to ask those who work with us to share what their ultimate goals are so that we, if we can, may help them achieve their highest potential. 

After all that we have been given, and have yet to still accomplish, it's the least we can do. 

So, what's your perfect day? What's your bliss?  

Wound Too Tight

Last night I had tea with a really good friend,  Natasha, who I have not seen in a year due to our busy schedules. We had a wonderful time catching up.  Later when I got home and after putting the kids down to bed, something that came up in my conversation with Natasha kept running through my mind.  I had shared with Natasha my concerns about my daughter, Maria,  who is 10 years old and how concerned I am about how much she stresses about school and life in general. I told her how Maria strives so hard to do everything well.  Natasha's was quiet for a moment and then responded,  "Just like her mama, huh?".  She went on to say how she has never really seen me chill and just kick back.  

Oh my GOD.  Sometimes we need someone outside of ourselves to point out the obvious.   I know I work hard,  just like everyone else. I know that I push myself,  but doesn't everybody do that? Okay, maybe I do overcompensate.  But it occurred to me.  Is my behavior consistent with a person who is wound too tight?  And maybe, just maybe, that explains why my daughter is the way she is.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?

Maria, bless her heart, has a hard time holding back her tears when she doesn't understand her school work and sometimes loses it when she is overwhelmed.  The only difference for me is that I don't show my frustration in public.  Maria hasn't mastered that skill, yet.  For me, my emotions, when they do manifest, are usually directed at my husband, God Bless him, who in most instances, has no clue what in the hell is going on with me.  How he puts up with me, is beyond me.  Must be love.

I decided to really look at myself honestly and came up with some examples of snapping moments.  Allow me to share.

I recalled one instance when I had just finished mopping the kitchen and had asked the family to PLEASE stay out of the kitchen until the floor had time to dry. (This happened about a month ago.) My husband was walking towards the kitchen as I made this request and yet there he was standing smack dab in the middle of the kitchen! What happened next still scares me.  I let out this deep gurgling, loud, "UGGGGGHHH" and shoved him in the chest trying to push him out.  Of course this was to no avail as he is much stronger than I.  He looked at me like I had lost my mind.  I had.  I was so embarrassed.  I ran to our bedroom and felt like a total idiot. "It's just a floor!" I thought to myself.

A more recent incident happened just yesterday.  I was on a frustrating phone call putting out a 'fire'.  As I returned back to a meeting, my husband, who was standing outside of my office, apparently had heard the conversation, reached out to me to give me a hug.  I pushed his hands away and gave him a look of disdain and snapped at him.  I don't even remember what I said to him.  What in God's name is wrong with me? 

A couple of hours after this happened I had cooled down, and I decided to ask my husband if he thought I was wound too tight.  And there it was.  That awkward silence.  Then the lifted eyebrow and a ,"Well..." that tapered off into silence again.  He was being nice.  Or maybe he was afraid to answer the question after my most recent episode.

So this is to all of you out there, men and women alike who are dealing with stress and who sometimes lose it.  Life is stressful.  It's time for me to dig deep into my meditation practice. It's time for me to let down my chongo (english translation: bun or ponytail).  I do this not just for my own sake but for my husband,  my daughter and  my 11 year old son.  Who knows what effect I have had on him.  Kids have enough stress of their own.  No need for me to add to it.