Random Thoughts

The Gift Of Giving

2011-11-07T19:07:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me recently, "How do you do it? Where do you find the time to give so much of yourself?" I laughed and responded, "I'm not sure that I give enough!"

In truth, I always feel like I don't have enough time and that there is more I would like to do. If anything, I wish I had more time!

What I have learned is that I get great personal satisfaction from giving of myself and I truly believe it is one of the reasons I feel so fortunate. I believe being a giver explains why I'm a happy person.

There is very little in life that upsets me!

I started the practice of giving, really giving, many years ago.

For starters, I find a way to give every day, every moment, and every chance I have. I look for opportunities to give. And giving doesn't necessarily mean money. It can be our time, a smile, a hug, a positive thought about someone, or sending good vibes out into the universe in the form of a prayer or truly wishing the very best for someone with a sincere heart.

It can mean something so simple as sending a text to someone and wishing them a great day! Or surprising someone with a card or giving that extra change at the bottom of my wallet to a homeless person.

It is important to give with a pure heart and with no take backs or regrets! I have learned to do this on a very regular basis so that it has becomes a way of life and to do it all anonymously.

Giving also means knowing when to allow someone else to bless us by accepting their gift of giving. Too often, we keep others from receiving a blessing by not accepting their wanting to do a nice deed for us.

Giving with no personal agenda is the purest way to give cause it is not about us, it's about putting others first.

Isn't that the goal? To put others first? Isn't that the greatest expression of giving? I think so!

Man VS Ants

2011-10-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

So the day started off with me realizing that I made a huge mistake last night before going to bed. I threw an empty bag of sugar into the trash can underneath the kitchen sink.

Lord have mercy! We woke up to the largest sugar ant infestation I have ever seen!

Well, my husband, being the manly man that he is, saw this as an all get out battle cry! It was on!

Now mind you, this was about 5:45 am in the morning when we discovered our kitchen had been invaded by this army of black ants!

So the first thing my husband did was grab an orange from the fridge and cut it up with the dullest knife he could find, which was not hard to do as we both agree that we have no sharp knives in our house. So after attempting to stab the orange to death, he managed to finally get an orange peel and exclaimed with excitement, "Oh, this will get 'EM," as he held the orange peel in the air waving it!

He proceeded to rub the peel on a portion of the wall to throw their scent off!

All it did was disperse them! They walked around the area he had rubbed the peel on. Almost as if in defiance. My husband swore they were doing the Dougie as if to tease my husband! Well, this did not set well with my now somewhat offended husband! SCORE: Man - 0. Ants - 1

My husband's next game plan was to set out the ant traps we had stored away by placing them in strategic places. He even attempted to use a push pin to stick them on one section of the wall to no avail. The trap fell on the floor.

It was at this point that I overheard my husband speaking to the ants, "Oh, you think that's funny huh?"

That's when my husband pulled out his GhostBuster outfit! This is when the real battle began!

He went all gangster on the ants and grabbed a paper towel and actually started killing them and yelling, "Take that! Oh you think just cause there is only one of me and you outnumber me that you're going to beat me?"

By this time he had basically called out these ants and they were on the attack jumping on him! He swore they were wearing little capes and they were carrying mini swords and were out to get him! SCORE: Man - 0. Ants - 2

Well, three hours later, the trail of ants had subsided but they were not giving up! They were still in hot pursuit of the bag of sugar that had been thrown away hours earlier! And they came back!

But this time, they came back with a vengeance and re-enforcements!

So, my husband challenged them and pulled out a bottle of Scrubbing Bubble cleaner! "This ought to do it," he said! And proceeded to spray them like a mad man!

(Everytime I walked by, I just nodded my head. Where does my husband come up with this stuff?)

Well it didn't work! It just made them more fierce and charge in more persistently but my husband took out quite a bit of ants this round. SCORE: Man - 1 Ants - 2

So here were are twelve hours later and these ants are not retreating! My husband swears they are hiding somewhere reorganizing and trying to outsmart him!

My husband decided to retreat and pull out his white flag...for today. He's up to something. He never gives up!

I'm pulling out a big bowl of sugar and inviting the ants to pull out their mini lawn chairs, their teeny tiny sunglasses and letting them enjoy a dip in the sugar bowl.

Knowing my husband, this ain't over! He will stay up tonight scheming and planning his attack in the morning. These ants are in for a real fight!

And these ants! They are serious about sugar!

Who was it that said, a little sugar goes a long way? Boy, they weren't kidding!

Price Tag

2011-08-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

So, I'm stumped!

I cannot figure out why my 12 year old daughter is so opposed to our family purchasing nice items or acquiring things she perceives as too costly.

She had an adverse reaction recently when I just went 'window shopping' for a Coach handbag.

Mind you, I have 'one' already.

I have a total of three handbags. Only one is a Coach! The other two are not expensive.

The other night the family went to price a new watch for dad. We spotted a really nice one - a Bulova.

She was so uncomfortable in the jewelry store! The whole time she kept saying, "That's too much!"

Tonight we announced that we have a professional cleaning lady coming in tomorrow to give us a quote on what they would charge to clean our home. My daughter got so upset that she was moved to tears!

Huh?

Don't get me wrong. We appreciate her being frugal and not insisting on having brand name clothing.

Our family had to explain to her that sometimes it is better to pay a little more for quality.

We also explained that we do work very hard and on occasion, it really is okay to reward oneself.

What we can't figure out is why she is so opposed to our family having really nice things.

So I asked her why it bothers her so much.

She said that she is afraid to be perceived as being rich.

Huh?

A. We are not rich!

B. If we were, why would that bother her?

C. Why does she think being rich is a bad thing?

D. What am I missing here?

I need some time on the meditation cushion to figure this one out!

Nun Experience

2011-08-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I entered a monastery for three days as a Buddhist Nun at the Thai Buddhist Temple Of America in Ontario, CA. This was the second time for me to do so at that particular temple.

My days were spent in prayer, sitting meditation, chanting and helping around the temple.

When I entered last time, there were four nuns. This time, there was only one nun. I must admit, it was really nice just the two of us.

Did I mention she spoke no English and I speak very little to no Thai? We made an interesting pair. We used a lot of hand motions. And yet, we completely understood each other. Not being able to really talk to each other also forced me to basically take a vow of silence.

I discovered that I hum incessantly! Which is a no no when you take the nun's precepts. That's right, no makeup, no perfume, no music, no dancing, no sleeping on a high bed, no radio, no TV, and only one meal a day. We are not even allowed to have any money!

Everything in life seems to slow down while in the monastery. Which is really nice with my fast-paced life.

I went there specifically to slow myself down and center myself. Strangely enough, it took me about eight hours that first day that I went in just to get to that point of complete peace and solitude. Wow!I had no idea I was carrying so much!

I came out rejuvenated not only physically but also metally. I am grateful for the practice and was reinspired to spend more time in sitting meditation.

I want to say a special thanks to my family for supporting my spiritual journey. I mentioned to my husband that I look forward to the day that I can enter the monastery for a longer period of time. He jokingly responded,"Two days of your not preparing our meals is long enough!"

Well at least I 'think' he was joking.

Commitment

2011-02-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

The dictionary defines commitment as a pledge or undertaking. For me it is both and so much more.

Our production company is embarking on our third movie project which goes into production this summer, June 13th to be exact.

This morning in our daily meeting, my husband (who is a producer and director on the project with me), asked me, "Dianna, are you fully committed to this project?"

And immediately, I knew where he was going with his questioning.

He went on to say, "I know that when YOU commit to something, there's no stopping you!"

My answer was a resounding, "YES!"

He then went on to ask, "Are we shooting a movie this summer?"

Again, with a deep conviction and resolve, I responded, "YES, we are!"

In all honesty, I AM ready! I'm ready mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

Moviemaking is not for the faint of heart so I appreciate my husband's confidence in me.

I am fully committed.

And he's right. When I do make up my mind there is no turning back.

For me, and some have laughed at this analogy, it is like brining a child into the world. Once conception occurs, get ready cause the baby's coming!! And if I treat the project as such, somehow he and I make it happen.

In this case, at least I know the due date! Now, all I have to do is work backwards and get everything ready for that date!

So when my husband asks me if I'm committed, what he is really asking me is, "Are you going to make this happen Dianna?"

And it's not as if he's expecting me to do all the work to get us into production and through production. He is very involved as he enjoys the moviemaking process as much as I do.

So, am I going to make this happen? He has no idea how far along I am in the pregnancy. I am so ready to drop this baby!

This project is very dear to our hearts as it was written by my husband with information being fed to him by some of my zany shenanigans!

The idea came to us several years ago on our first film project back in 2004.

So commitment is not only a pledge and undertaking for me, it is breathing life and giving life to to this project that has been brewing for quite some time.

We are ready to share our story; a story of survival and doing what it takes to keep it all together when things seem to be falling apart. It is a story of staying committed to yourself and your values, your ideals as well as staying committed to those you love no matter how tough life might get.

I know that this movie will touch hearts. And strangely enough it is a movie about commitment.

So, am I fully committed?

I have never stopped being committed. I've just been waiting on things outside of my control to fall into place. How foolish of me. Since when did I need permission to follow my own bliss?

Commitment only requires one action - a decision. To either do or do not.

I choose to do.

Mindful Holiness

2011-01-29T19:00:00.000-08:00

Right before the beginning of the new year, I went on a personal sabbatical.

I didn't really go anywhere in particular. I merely set myself apart from mindless activity such as watching TV and made a conscious effort to remain mindful and focus on holiness. And not only focus on it but to find a way to put holiness into action.

I used this downtime for deep meditation, contemplation, and prayer. Instead of watching TV, I read inspirational books. I read everything from the Bible to Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, and Islam.

It was during this time that I discovered mindful holiness. The act of being mindful of each moment and concentrating on holiness and just being holy. And what it means to be holy.

In essence it is what Buddhist refer to as Right Concentration, Right Mindfulness, Right Effort, and Right Action.

It boils down to total awareness in every moment and acting appropriately in each moment.

The result of putting mindful holiness into practice has been astounding!

I have never, ever, felt closer to God, to life, and to people! There is no separation from me and God and others. I can only define it as complete unity with the universe.

And not only that but things seem to be coming to me so much easier such as money, solving problems, getting the things we need, making things come to fruition and so on. Things seem almost effortless.

But, the single greatest benefit from practicing mindful holiness by far is the sheer joy and bliss that I have discovered! I haven't laughed this much ever before! And I laugh a lot!

Now I get why God in the the Christian Bible urges everyone to, "Be holy for I am holy."

God is not up in heaven pointing His finger down at us and bullying us to be holy!

He is lovingly wooing us to be holy and to be mindful of every action we do for our own good so that we can experience His very best continually without cessation.

The Error Of My Silly Thoughts

2011-01-13T09:59:00.000-08:00

The other day I had probably one of the silliest thoughts I have ever had! Of course at the time, I thought it made perfect sense.

Sad thing was, I put it out in the universe and my husband picked it up.

I was in one of those reflective moods and I mentioned to my husband that I wished I had made better choices/decisions in my younger years.

My husband sat there for a beat and then asked, "You know that if you had, we might not be sitting here together right now?"

I sat there baffled for a moment. Contemplating exactly what my husband was saying and where he was going with his train of thought.

He went on to add, "If you had, we might not have ever met nor have had the wonderful children we've been blessed with."

Again, I sat there quietly wondering what my life would be without my children and my husband. And a sadness came over me. Tears (which I tried to hide from my husband) began to well up in my eyes and I got a big knot in my stomach. My heart felt as if it were being torn apart and ripped right out of me!

Immediately, I repented of such foolishness! (Silently in my heart to God!)

As I sat there and thought about it more, I could not help but honestly ask myself, "Really Dianna? What would you have done differently?"

More importantly, how crazy is it to live in a world of woulda, coulda, shouldas? It is what it is! Get over yourself Dianna!

Somebody slap me!!!

As my husband and I talked more about these 'choices/decisions' it was apparent to both of us that it was just OLD GUILT that I was still lugging around weighing me down. Guilt that was keeping me from TOTALLY moving forward. It wasn't the decisions at all!

Ah, the mind can play such silly tricks on us if we are not diligent and fully mindful.

Silly old me! I am feeling much lighter today!

Ode To Earnest

2011-01-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

What does one do when one wakes up nearly every morning to a partner of 17 years and the first thing out of his mouth and sounding like a little child is, "Where's my love?"

What is one to think about someone who as soon as he gets out of bed he is singing a new song? (The song usually being an old '70's song. And to this day, he has never repeated any of the songs to my recollection!)

What is one to do when their partner, while putting his clothes on for the day, is dancing? And it is usually to a drum cadence that he made up some 17 plus years ago as he marches around the room mimicking the Grambling Band Drum Majors!

What is one to believe about their partner when after he finishes his morning meditation, he pretends to fall off the meditation cushion and back into reality? And is so dramatic about it!

What is one to ponder when throughout the day, their partner has a child-like attitude towards life, not letting anything ruffle his feathers? And as he works on various projects, he literally changes his hats all day long! The funniest being a Saints helmet that is really a snack bowl, but it fits!

Answers: I haven't a clue!

All I know is that life with Earnest Harris is always an adventure. With him, all day long is play time, and yet he one of the busiest people I know!

I don't know how he does it because he finds time to be a remarkable father, a loving and doting husband, an inspiring writer, a wonderful film producer, and a talented director. And so much more, but that is another blog!

What I do know is that in his presence, he inspires me and everyone around him to be a better person and personally, I am better for having known him.

Thank you Earnest!

A Child's Innocence

2011-01-03T15:34:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

Thought I would start out the year with a very light and cute family story.

As I was putting away Christmas decorations the other day in our storage, I somehow pulled a muscle in my lower back lifting a heavy box.

Later that evening, I asked my 12 year old daughter to please do me a favor and massage my lower back for me. (My daughter is our family resident nurse and loves to heal us if we so much as say something hurts us!)

As she was massaging my back, I commented and said, "Sweetie, you are such a great masseuse!"

My daughter asked innocently, "What's that?"

"Someone who does a full body massage for people," I responded.

After a brief silence, my daughter asked, "So is a person who massages people's feet called a footseuse?"

Final Thoughts For 2010

2010-12-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

As another year comes to an end, this year, 2010 will go down as one of the most challenging years. And yet one of the most rewarding.

Challenging from a business perspective as we continue to grow our company in a not-so-friendly economic climate.

Equally challenging is being a parent of two young children transitioning into their teenage years and all that comes with that.

But if I am proud of anything that happened in 2010, it is that in spite of the crazy economy and the pressures of family and business, we kept it together no matter what.

And to be honest, there were times in 2010 it was not that easy.

I think of the many households and families who are struggling financially, or with health issues, or having problems with their kids, spouses, or dealing with taking care of their elderly family members, and it tears me up. I have never seen so many people hurting like I did in 2010. Or maybe I am just more aware than I have ever been.

All I do know is that I am so grateful for my health, both mentally and physically. I am so happy for all the people in my life and especially those who helped me, reached out to me when I needed them most, and even those who challenged me to step up my game and dared me to attain even higher goals.

I feel so loved, honored, and immensely joyous. I looking forward to 2011 with much hope, much expectation and the outlook is a good one. Come no matter what in 2011, I'm ready.

Thank you 2010!

I Got Pranked!

2010-11-11T10:47:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. I GOT PRANKED! And in all honesty, deservedly so!

My husband and I have this running joke about one of my titles, La Reina, as he likes to jokingly call me with a heavy Mexican accent and rolling his R as if to impress others that he can speak Spanish well.

I usually respond back to him when he calls me this and say, "La Reina del Bano!" (Queen of the Bathroom! It's more like La Reina De La Cocina!)

Every morning we have a ritual where we meet to discuss the day's events.

Typically he will buzz me on the intercom (his office is on the first floor and mine is on the third floor) to see if I am ready for our meetings.

As of late, to cultivate my title and just mess with him, I have asked him to please 'play the trumpets' as I enter into his office area. I will yell down to him from the second floor landing when I am ready to make my big entrance. And yes, I ham it up!

And to really push the envelope, I get into full character, pretending to be quite the royal!

Usually, my husband will either mouth the sound of trumpets to the tune of the old Imperial butter/margarine commercial or he will attempt a rendition of USC's school song, 'Conquest'. Both of which crack us up because my husband cannot do this well!

So, yesterday, as usual, I am standing on the landing of the second floor with my coffee in one hand, my cell phone in the other, and I am ready to take on the WORLD! (I am feeling pretty full of myself!)

I yell down, "Okay, I'm ready! Play the trumpets!"

Out of nowhere, I hear blaring through our speakers, "Hail To The Chief," the Presidential theme song.

I take that first step and just lose it. I am laughing so hard that I spill my coffee, drop my cell phone, tears are rolling down my cheeks, my side is hurting, and I am pressing my knees together and squirming to keep from having an accident in my pants! All the while hoping someone will yell, "CUT!!" so that I can get out of this scene!

It was like one of those Harvey Korman/Tim Conway scenes where they are both laughing during their skit and can hardly contain themselves, but they continue on with their lines!

AND I am attempting to keep my composure like Carol Burnett did in the 'Gone With The Wind' spoof where she is wearing the curtain rod dress. I'm sure I look as ridiculous as she did!

My husband, all the while is hooting and howling.

To make matters even funnier, when I get down to the first floor, he is standing there at attention and saluting me!

Well, needless to say, it was just plain funny.

So my dear husband, you got me and you got me GOOD! Don't think I can top this one!

I concede.

Just Believe!

2010-09-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

It amazes me when I come across someone who can see my potential and they share with me what they see. Because, to be quite honest, I have a tough time seeing it and believing it.

It's as if they believe in me more than I believe in myself!

Oh, I can see potential in others, but I am unable to see my own potential.

How strange, huh? Why is that?

A friend recently told me, how he can help everyone with their problems, concerns, and issues, but when it came to himself, he couldn't do so!

I wonder if it is by design.

Maybe, just maybe, God is behind it all. Maybe it is one of His ways that He gets us to share with each other with the hope that we will stop to listen to each other and extend a helping hand or remind each other of our many talents and gifts we possess.

Maybe it's God's way of working through us and showing just how proactive He is in our life without being invasive.

I hope so!

I hear so often from friends how God never speaks to them. That they get nothing from Him.

Hmmm?

Is it possible that God's way of speaking to us Is through others? Besides, I probably would pass out if I heard His audible voice anyway! And probably question it too!

Whatever is going on in the universe, I believe the message is clear. Hang in there. Don't give up. Our lives have purpose. And that there is a plan for each of us and God is speaking, if we will just open our hearts to each other and listen.

What is God saying?

He is saying that He won't let us fail! He is saying He will call on His people to accomplish His purpose for each of us. He is saying He has a plan that we are actively involved in it and that it's a wonderful and marvelous plan!

Just Believe! Believe in your potential even if you can't see it or your own gifts. Believe in yourself!

Pain - A Great Teacher

2010-09-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book entitled "Nothing Special" and it has really challenged every area of my life particularly dealing with life and the many things that make up life. One of those things being pain.

In the book, the author defines the challenges in our lives as rocks or rather rock diamonds placed along our path to help us deal directly with what we need to either eliminate or correct in our lives.

I consider myself a student on the path to enlightenment and sometimes I miss opportunities to use life and everything that comes with life as a teacher.

Recently, I was ill and in great pain. The pain lasted for eighteen hours. Rather than using the pain as a teacher at the time, I focused more on woe is me. I kept wondering how much longer is this going to last. I paced up and downstairs all night and found myself pleading with God to PLEASE put me out of my misery.

I attempted to use my meditation practice but it was so difficult just to focus on my breath.

Needless to say, the longer the pain lasted, the angrier and more miserable I became.

At one point, I wasn't even sure who or what I was angry at but I was fully aware of my anger, frustration, and powerlessness.

After trying everything I could to ease the pain, I just gave up. I had to. What choice did I have but to just accept it? And there it was, my breakthrough.

Of course I was exhausted from not having any sleep, but I had become used to the pain. That was so foreign to me. I was okay with the pain and if this was the way it was going to be, so be it.

Now that I am feeling better, I feel really silly for having been so focused on self. My practice teaches its students to learn to chip away at the self by observing one's self honestly. I see clearly now, how much self I still need to let go of and I have my friend pain to thank for that.

I am not saying that I want to go through that type of pain again, but I am thankful that it didn't kill me. It only felt like it at the time. It did however, make me more aware. It taught me just how much pain I can tolerate. It also taught me that I cannot run from myself.

In life we can choose to run away from our problems be it financial, family, or work problems, but we cannot run away from our own bodies when dealing with uncontrollable pain. Pain won't let us.

Pain is a part of our lives. Pain is and can be a great teacher.

Vision For Our Children

2010-08-25T18:41:00.000-07:00

Today I was having a conversation with my husband about our two young kids and preparing them for their future.

As we were discussing all the steps we have taken thus far to prepare them for college and what the next few years will require of us and them, it occurred to me that our vision for them SHOULD go beyond our own expectations!

Yes, that's right! Our vision for our kids should not be limited to what we envision for our kids in just their generation, but their children's generation as well!

Our goal should be to ensure that our children and their children, and even beyond, will have more opportunities than Earnest and I were presented. Or for that matter, could ever imagine!

A very dear mentor and friend of ours said once that the greatest gift we can pass on to our children is giving them the gift of having many options in their life. And Earnest and I have never forgotten this advice.

As my husband and I were talking, we discussed some of the things that we need to do to make sure they have options and choices. We both agreed that putting our kids in settings where they can a) meet people of all occupations (i.e. doctors, lawyers, teachers and so on), b) get to know people of various cultures, ethnicities, religious backgrounds, c) visit various college campuses and, d) be highly involved in their education and extracurricular activities, is just a beginning.

Quite honestly, nothing would bring me greater joy and satisfaction, even if I am not around to see it, than knowing that my husband and I raised good, well mannered, successful kids and that they will continue the legacy of ensuring that future generations follow in our footsteps and hopefully correct our mistakes.

Being a parent is one of the highest callings and it requires a lot of work, so much love and dedication, tons of patience, on-going planning and putting that plan into action, and finally it requires a truly long-term vision!

Home - That Very Special Place

2010-08-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

Today I spoke to my Mom on the phone and it always amazes me when we do talk that she will ask, "So Mija, when are you coming home?"

My response is usually the same, "To visit Mom?" And then there is that awkward silence on the phone. I don't think my Mom realizes that Los Angeles is MY HOME now and it has been for 12 years!

My mother is not the only one from my hometown who has asked me that question. I get it a lot from family and friends back in Austin, Texas. It's as if somehow a) my response will be different from the last time they asked or b) they are under the impression that the twelve years I have been in LA is only temporary. 12 years is not temporary!

I do have an address here and have had one for quite sometime! I"m not leaving LA! Unless of course for some reason I would need to go back to my hometown for other than a visit.

Truth be known, I have no desire to be anywhere else but where I am. My family and I have built a home here, a business, and are a part of a vibrant community. Our kids love their school, their friends and their extracurricular activities. They don't know anything but LA. It is THEIR home.

So what makes a place a home?

I believe it is that very special place where there is no doubt in one's mind - this is where I belong.

I love waking up and looking out my window every morning and being inspired by the mountains that surround me! I see God's majesty and glory in those mountains.

The 345 days of sunshine is a reminder to me that the sun really will come out tomorrow and it gives me so much hope.

The incredible vibe of creativity that is all around me is such a high. I wish I could put it into words!

Los Angeles, the City of Angels, is where I belong.

To all my friends and family back in Austin, I love you and miss you. But this IS my home and I am incredibly happy, blessed, and at peace.

Family Outing

2010-08-14T16:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the weather was perfect so our family walked to a popular burger establishment (Tommy's here in Burbank) for dinner.

On our way there, my husband turned to my son and I as he continued walking while rubbing his back and said, "I think I hurt my buttocks!"

Our daughter, Maria, who was following behind my husband and sometimes confuses things she hears, said, "Whhhhhat?"

All three of us, without skipping a beat turned to Maria and said, "He hurt his BUTTOCKS Maria!!"

Maria innocently asked, "What's that?"

Again, we all responded, "His BUTT Maria!"

Maria then said, "Ooohhh...I thought he said he hurt his butt talking!"

Faith In Action

2010-08-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

Today at mass, Father gave a sermon on faith. He used a baseball analogy. He said that faith is that place between first and second base. Some of us are so happy to get on first base and have no idea if we will make it to second base! And yet, we give it our best shot not knowing what the final outcome will be. He described that feeling of uncertainty as faith in action.

Others he said, never get on base and some, won't even step up to the plate to play for fear of the outcome!

In the end though, he said that it is God's will that we all play and make it home safely. But we can't do that unless we build the courage to get in the game in the first place! The game being - LIVING LIFE FULLY!! (And yes, fearlessly!)

It is so easy to sit back and just watch life pass us by never being fulling engaged. Heck, I have done that! More than I care to share! For just plain fear that I will fail and that my failure is tied to whether I am or am not successful!

What I took away from Father's message is that unless we get in the game FULLY, playing to WIN, even when we don't FEEL like playing, our faith CANNOT and WILL NOT increase.

He said finally, that God does not call us to be successful, HE calls us to be faithful. When we are faithful, then success is the by-product of putting our faith in action. But, WE have to get our faith going first! Faith needs action! It needs momentum.

It works like this: I take a step. God takes a step. I take another step. God does His part! I take a step...

(DING..light bulb turning on!) Ohhhhh, so, that's what I have been doing wrong!!! God has been waiting on ME to move!!! :)

Problems Will Come

2010-08-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

Just when I think things are going well, 'something' always seems to come along and burst my bubble. What is that thing - Life.

My problem is I either anticipate a problem or I try to avoid it all together. Don't we all?

I believe most of our suffering or discontentment comes from 'wanting' things to always go well and when it doesn't, we either have to talk ourselves through it to get to that happy place again or we just continue on a downward spiral thinking to ourselves, "Oh crap!"

But, in reality that isn't what life is all about.

Problems arise. We either step up or we don't! Not doing anything does not make them go away! And tackling them seems the best remedy but not always our first choice, so we procrastinate. Okay, I procrastinate.

To 'really live' it seems to me, that I must be willing to accept 'whatever' may come my way and not try to label the situation/problem good or bad. It just is what it is. Just another thing to deal with in this existence we call 'Life".

Perhaps if I just rest in the fact that problems will come and they will go away. Kind of like focusing on one's breath. It rises and then it falls. Neither good or bad. And that problems are really friends in disguise who are with us on our path to help us reach enlightenment.

That sure sounds a lot more reassuring.

Not Backing Down!

2010-08-03T16:33:00.000-07:00

Today I had a really productive day (so far) and day ain't over!

Feels great to be back! Really helps when I get around others in the entertainment business who are busting their butts, going after their dreams and raising a family in Hollywood! Note to self: Do more meetings with industry people and really think about hosting a monthly event! (Duly noted!)

Really glad that I have Earnest, my husband, around to be not only my business partner, but a dear friend. Sometimes I take that for granted! Wish I had his confidence, positive attitude, and driving force. He is like a rock that cannot be moved! Oh well, I am a work in progress!

Staying hard on myself and NOT BACKING DOWN!! (That is how I get myself in trouble!)

Day Ain't Over!!

2010-08-02T19:05:00.000-07:00

I am ashamed of myself!! It has been so long since I have written anything! Shame on me! So, why the long interval?

Mainly because I have been hiding from everyone, but mostly myself. I do that when things seem to get so hard in the entertainment business. (And it has been hard.)

I like many, make up excuses or sit back and question myself and ask, "Am I crazy for being in this business?"

Well, today, I am officially kicking myself in the ass! I am getting on my own ass!

Get your head out of your rear Dianna!

Today I watched a beautiful presentation that our company has been working on and will be pitching. I was reminded of what we and the many of us here at Marlo Entertainment have accomplished in such a short time and what we still have on tap.

I must admit that I was once again inspired.

It is so easy to become complacent and just sit back and wait for things to fall into one's lap. Or to get frustrated because things do not happen fast enough.

When will I learn that it is about the journey and not the goal? Silly and foolish me!

Hitting the 'reset' button! Day ain't over!

An Open Letter To All Filmmakers: Keep Making Your Movies

2009-12-13T12:53:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I attended the Boyle Heights Latina Independent Film Extravaganza and was really impressed with the short films, documentaries, and feature films that were being screened.

It was a reminder to me of just how much we Latina filmmakers have to say about our life experiences. I walked away both challenged and inspired to keep telling our stories.

What also touched me deeply was the passion in each filmmaker's voice during the Q&A and hearing their responses.

Indeed, some of the topics were heavy which made for great conversation with the filmmakers. I applauded them for the bravery and determination and asked if on any level they were worried they would take heat for making a short/movie about homosexuality, inter-ethnic relationships, infidelity, the whole identity issue on Spanish speaking Hispanics vs. those who cannot speak Spanish and does that make them less Hispanic, and AIDS in the Hispanic community.

I was thrilled to hear their answer, "This IS our life and WE all deal with these issues, not just Hispanics. These are universal issues and we need to stop sweeping them under the carpet and pretending that they don't exist!"

I could not agree more. So to ALL filmmakers out there - keep making your movies!

Buddhistian - A New Religion?

2009-11-20T19:31:00.000-08:00

This evening my husband and I had a very interesting conversation with our eleven year old daughter, Maria.

Apparently she is trying to come to terms with what she should call herself from a religious perspective. She is not sure if she, when asked, should say she is a Christian or say that she is Buddhist. She is thinking of calling herself a "Buddhistian". A term she coined all on her own.

Both my husband and I posed the question to Maria, "Why do you feel the need to call yourself anything?"

It seems a couple of the kids at her school are vocal about their religious beliefs and she is just uncertain what to say when confronted. She actually overheard a student telling another student that you have to believe in God and if you don't, your are going to the H-word.

"At the end of the day," we told her, "You still have plenty of time to work through who YOU will decide 'what' you want to call yourself. If you even decide to do that at all!"

We warned her that words and titles can trap us if we are not careful and explained how.

More importantly we shared with her that she should not let anyone force her to make a decision nor should she be ashamed to say what she believes. But to make sure they are her beliefs, not ours.

Both me and my husband were raised in Christian homes and are now practicing Buddhists. We truly understand what Maria is going through and we saw this as a teaching moment for all of us.

We also conveyed to Maria, that even though we are practicing Buddhists, we did not stop being Christians. Nor have we stopped learning about other religions, for they all have many great qualities. (For me personally, Buddhism and Christianity compliment each other. I can say quite honestly, that I understand the teachings of Jesus much better through the lens of Buddhism. And Christianity has taught me just how compassionate Jesus was and is and continues to be in my life).

In the end, we are very happy that Maria is working through this and we want her to enjoy the journey she is on. We all have our own spiritual paths, but for us personally we made it clear to her that our true religion is Compassion.

For us, it matters not what you call yourself but how you carry yourself and how you treat others. What good is it to call yourself a Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, and not conduct yourself as one?

The real measure of who you are, we explained to her, is deciding what kind of a person you want to be not based on a religion, but rather on whether you can decipher between right and wrong and behaving accordingly.

Did she get it? We think she did. We look forward to many more discussions like these with both of our children.

As for our twelve year old son, Lawrence, well he's definitely Buddhist! We go to him when we get stumped for our dharma teachings!

You Know You Are Getting Old When...

2009-11-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

You know you are getting old when your 11 year old child dumps all of their Halloween candy on the floor to be inspected and asks, "Mom, which of these candies were around when you were a kid?"

Snickers - check
M&M's Plain - check
M&M's w/Peanuts - check
Three Musketeers - check
Butterfinger - check
Baby Ruth - check
Smarties - check
Tootsie Rolls - check
Nestle's Crunch Bar - Check

As you look through all the candy, your answer is, "All of them."

And their response is, "Wow, these candy companies have been around a really LONG time, haven't they?"

Feeling Exceedingly Grateful

2009-10-07T21:25:00.000-07:00

Last week was probably one of the most challenging weeks I've ever experienced. And as crazy it was, surprisingly, I am feeling grateful. Grateful that it's over!

The week was packed with back-to-back meetings and much to do on the home front and that is not so unusual. We are all dealing with trying to juggle work, family and social calendars. Midweek, I was one of a few producers on a huge event in the film industry. An event we have been planning for several months. And as all events go in the entertainment business, there is always so much stress and pressure leading up to the day of the event. Not to mention the immense pressure the day of the event.

We all deal with stress on the job. Whether it be a boss or someone we have to answer to. And others we feel responsible for, knowing that they are looking to up to us and counting on us to step up and lead if need be.

Except for a few snags that night, the event went well. Amazingly, we pulled it off and have received very favorable feedback from some of the attendees.

But, what I am most grateful for from this most recent experience is that I am learning that no matter how much stress and pressure one can be under, that it is in those moments, those opportunities, that we all have a choice. We can choose to allow ourselves to be overcome with worry and negativity OR we can face those stressful moments and say, "No, I'm going to keep my cool. I am going to stay focused. I decide how I should respond when things go awry. I won't let anyone take me where I don't want to go."

It works. It really works.

I have seen it happen before, be it in a business setting or at private event, in front of a crowd of people, where a person will snap, attack, criticize, blame, and just plain go off when things seem like they are falling apart. (Like last week at the event.) They take it out on everyone around them or anyone that they can make their scapegoat and in my opinion, that's taking the easy way out. That's way too easy. And it is these same people who will take ALL the credit when everything turns out well and make no effort to thank those who helped make it so. Sadly, we all know the type.

Well, as a wise old sage once told me, the real measure of a person's character is not how nice or cool people are when things are going well but rather how well do they respond when things aren't going so well.

No, I haven't mastered this level of coolness. I still have my moments. But, I am feeling exceedingly grateful and thankful that life is giving me MANY opportunities to put this teaching into practice. Almost too many.

Another IKEA Story

2009-10-04T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today my husband and I went to IKEA to buy ONE thing - a computer chair.

Seems simple enough, does it not? Ha!

We get there and the first obstacle we face is trying to FIND the area where they have the desks and chairs on display. Well, we are lost almost immediately and so I go up to ask a worker very politely where the area is and she gives me THE HAND. That's right, the hand and says in a firm tone, "I'll be with you in a minute." Fair enough, but out of the corner of my eye, I see my husband walking around aimlessly and decide to join in on all the fun he's having. So I just walk off and leave the worker alone.

I figure, "What the hell...we are smart people...we'll find the area!"

So off we go reading signs and looking around corners. In and out of one section, then another and I can smell the cinnamon rolls and we comment on how we are getting hungrier by the minute. We try a section that looks familiar from our last visit, but no luck, just more signs and lots of people who seem to be lost too.

Finally, we find the area and pick out the chair we want right away and then it occurs to us, "So, what do we do now?" (So much for us believing that we are smart people anymore. Now we are really looking just ridiculous!)

Well, we figure out that you are supposed to write down a merchandise number and of course my high techie husband says, "Dianna, I can take a picture of it...modern technology?!" You know the tone, the one that makes you feel like YOU'RE the idiot!

Something inside me tells me to write the number down anyway and sure enough, the reflection on the plastic covering and the light from the camera make the numbers unreadable, but my husband decides, he still wants the shot. He is a director and they have to get the shot!

So off we go to check out and we walk and walk and and we walk some more but, we CAN'T GET OUT!! We walked for what seemed like miles.

As we are walking I mention to my husband that this HAS to be what hell is like. And we both comment on how the store is designed like this on purpose to get people to buy more items on their way to the checkout counter. Well, we tell each other, we are not falling for it.

After several minutes, the hunger was really setting in, the frustration was mounting and we had no idea where we were so we finally asked a sales attendant and sure enough we were going the wrong way.

So, we are just about to get to the checkout line and my husband spots the area rug section. "Oh no!", he says, "I'm falling for the store's trick!" And of course I follow him in there because I see an area rug on sale. Luckily, Earnest checks his handy dandy high tech phone where he has the dimensions notated of the two areas in our home needing rugs, stored on his cell phone and none of the rugs will work, so we manage to escape and get out of there quickly.

We are finally at the checkout counter and Earnest looks around and says, "Where do we get our merchandise? Everyone at the counter has their merchandise. Where did they get theirs?" And of course there are long lines. Many long lines.

So now we are really looking like we have never shopped there and we haven't. So off we go to try and find our merchandise and the light goes off in my teeny tiny brain and I remember, "The numbers I wrote down. There was an aisle number and a section number. Maybe we are supposed to go there to pick it up?"

We both look around. We look up and behold right before us in big bright red, are signs with aisle numbers on them. Even numbers on one side and odd numbers across the way. Can this get any more ridiculous?

Sure enough we find the aisle and the section and on a bottom row, there is our chair all boxed up.

Then Earnest very innocently asks, "Are we just supposed to grab it? That's it? In that little bitty box?"

"I think so," I answered as I checked the numbers I had written.

So we both do this scan. You know the camera shot where the camera does a 360 degree pan and makes one complete revolution and comes back to the starting place. Sure enough, we see other people are pulling items off the shelves and retrieving their merchandise. So we make our move and we rush to the checkout line.

I walk quickly toward one line and Earnest toward another. I try to get him to come over to my checkout lane and he refuses. As I walk back towards him, I notice that he is pointing up at a sign that says, "CHECKS & ATM ONLY". "We're paying cash," he whispers. I can read his body language and by now, he just wants to get out of the store as fast as he can.

As we are nearing the line, I turn to Earnest and by this time, I'm laughing and I say, "No wonder they say in the commercial, START THE CAR!...by the time anyone FINALLY gets out of here, their car batteries are probably dead!"

Hey, but the chair was cheap! And it wasn't even on sale.

Yeah, we will probably shop there again.

'Some' White People Have Simply Lost Their Minds

2009-09-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

I am posting a story that ran in the Huffington Post yesterday written by my husband, Earnest Harris.

SOME WHITE PEOPLE HAVE SIMPLY LOST THEIR MINDS

There is no other way to say this but to put it all on the table. Some white people have simply lost their minds because they are besides themselves trying to figure out how in the world they slipped up and let an African-American man in the White House, as President of these not so United States.

While thankfully there are a few whites who have been willing to speak up about what is really bubbling up, or more like, spewing forth lately, people like former President Jimmy Carter, Tim Wise and some other bloggers here on The Huffington Post, most people simply have tiptoed around the huge white elephant in the room. The outrageous incidents, which seem to be increasing in frequency -- Glenn Beck's obvious racial appeals by saying Obama hates white people, Sen. Joe Wilson's unprecedented outburst before the world yelling at the President, the birther's refusal to accept the truth, the almost mob like town hall meetings where some people openly carried signs that were perfect for a Klan rally, Rep. Lynn Jenkins' "White Hope" remark, 'tea party" leader Mark Williams referring to President Obama as "an Indonesian Muslim turned welfare thug and a racist in chief," the uproar over the President of The United States daring to give an inspirational speech to America's school kids -- I could go on but you get the point -- these are nothing more than the ugliest of racism that has simply boiled over the sides of our famed and mythical melting pot.

Right-wing whites have simply reached the point where they cannot take it any more. And the message seems to be that they will say and do whatever it takes to de-legitimize this President. And they seem to be certainly saying "never again." The saddest part about all of this is that it was just a few moths ago that many of us in the multi-ethnic coalition that banded together to usher in the Obama era were celebrating what looked like the start of a new seemingly post racial America. But just nine months later, I have to say I don't think I have seen a time when the bitterness and seeming us against them mentality was more evident. And by "us against them," I mean whites against the flood of people of color that are seeming to challenge the idea of what it means to be America and American. All you had to do was look at the faces of some of the Congressman in the crowd at President Obama's speech to see the venom that was only thinly veiled. It almost matched what we saw and heard from some of the people in the crowds at the recent town hall meetings.

The irony in all this is the challenge the Rep. Wilson's, Glen Beck's, Sean Hannity's and Rush Limbaugh's throw down by trying to intimidate the rest of us by daring us to call out this racism and to call them what they are -- silly men, and some women, who have seen the future and realize that the future is one where white men are not the only ones with a seat at the table anymore. And this scares the hell out of them. So they spew this crap and dare us to stand up to it and speak the truth. But we have to let them know that we will not back down, that we will not go away, that we will indeed call them out, no matter how many times they target a Van Jones, or whoever is next since they can't get to Obama. This country is changing, for the better, whether they like it or not, so they might as well accept it and find something else to do. The Republican Party can only make a fool of itself for so long before it completely implodes. And no attempt to put a Black mouthpiece like Michael Steele in front can disguise the fact that the Party is losing control of itself and some of these formerly disguised racists that pretend they are not anti-Black. No just anti anything from an African-American who dares actually have the gumption to call himself President and dare to do what he promised he would do when the country duly and fairly elected him.

I know President Obama is in a tough place and he can't really call these people out. He has to be "Presidential." But we can speak up. The issue is not health care reform or President Obama being too far left, because we have had people on the left run this country before. And we have had battles over health care, social security and other issues before. What we have never witnessed, at least when it came to the respect afforded our country's leader, whether it was former Presidents George W. Bush, Ronald Reagan or Bill Clinton, is this level of disrespect and overt vitriol directed at a President. All Presidents have had their opponents. But when you think through what has been directed at Obama, and his family for that matter with some of the truly low things that have 'slipped out" of people's mouths, like the South Carolina Republican activist, Rusty DePass, who said an escaped gorilla was probably Michelle Obama's ancestor, there is no denying this is beyond civil disagreement.

But I for one am not going to be intimidated into silence and I will call these racists what they are. I can accept and respect differing viewpoints, but what President Obama, and the rest of us, don't have to accept is racism disguised as patriotism. Let's call it what it is, racism born out of a fear that those darker skinned people have taken over. This is just not the America they expected, at least not so soon.

Just Another Sunday?

2009-09-13T17:28:00.001-07:00

So my husband, Earnest, calls an important executive meeting today and informs me that we need to meet to discuss critical issues and matters that will affect the day, and I'm thinking, "Oh great! It's Sunday. What's this all about?", I'm racking my brain trying to figure out, "What could be so crucial?"

I rush to get to the meeting. As I sit down and prepare myself, my mind starts racing and I'm wondering, "What could be so important?"

"Could I have forgotten something?", I'm wondering. "Was I supposed to take care of something that I let slip through the cracks?"

"Oh dear, what could it be?", I'm thinking.

For the life of me, I cannot come up with anything.

So Earnest opens the meeting and with a straight face and not skipping a beat mind you, my husband looks right at me and asks in a very serious tone, "So...what's for dinner?"

"I don't know.", I answer.

"You know what we haven't had?", he asks.

"What?", I ask.

"Burgers.", he replies.

"Burgers?", I ask.

"Yes, Dianna's famous hamburgers.", he states.

"Okay, we'll have burgers.", I respond.

"With french fries?", he asks excitedly.

"Yes!", I answer.

"The crunchy kind?", he asks.

"Yes, the crunchy kind.", I say.

"But not too crunchy for Maria. And burn mine," he replies.

"With ketchup?", he inquires.

"We are out of ketchup, but I can pick some up from the store if you'd like?", I ask.

"With lots of cheese on the burger?, he asks sounding like a kid.

"Yes, lots of cheese!", I reply.

"What kind of cheese?" he wants to know.

"What kind would you like?, I ask impatiently, trying to sound like I'm not.

"What kinds are there?", he asks.

"Ooh que la...", I'm thinking to myself. (Ooh que la is Spanish slang used mostly in the Mexican-American community that means..."I don't believe this!"

"American, cheddar, pepper jack...", I start naming off.

"Pepper jack!", he exclaims excitedly.

"Is that the kind that's spicy?, he interrupts and asks before I can reply.

"Ooh yes...put a lot of that on my burger!", he continues not allowing me to get in a word edgewise.

"Hunk it!", he exclaims raising his voice. (Hunk is another word for load it up.)

"And make my burger thick!", he demands before I can respond.

"And burn it!", he adds.

Then a moment of silence passed and we both looked at each other awkwardly.

"Is that it?", I ask hesitantly. Uncertain if I should. Not really wanting to open THAT door.

"Yes.", he answers.

Meeting adjourned.

An Open Letter To Rep. Joe Wilson: It Was Just Plain Wrong!

2009-09-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

I really have to ask.

What in world has happened to our nation when a person, an elected official, no longer respects the Office of the Presidency?

Some may not like our current President, but last night's heckling by Representative Joe Wilson during the President's speech was just so wrong! On so many levels.

Mr. Wilson, shame on you! Your behavior is unacceptable and you need to be called out.

You have disrespected the President and the highest office in this land, in these United States of America, in public, and on national TV, and for the world to see.

I, Mr. Wilson am appalled! President Obama may have forgiven you for your momentary lapse in judgment, but I Mr. Wilson, am not letting you off the hook that easy. And I hold you accountable for your actions.

If you really love this country, show some real remorse and resign. Give up your seat to someone more worthy and in control of their emotions.

You clearly cannot control yourself and you know no boundaries. You are a loose cannon. A liability. Expendable.

We all Mr. Wilson get upset , frustrated, irritated, and if you can't handle the pressure, then step down before you really lose your mind.

Or is that what really happened last night?

Or could there be something else going on here Mr. Wilson? Something that you fear on such a deep level. You fear it such that it bothers you, torments you, to the degree that you show no respect for authority. Not even for your President.

Is it possible Mr. Wilson that this, our very first bi-racial President and his holding the highest seat in the land and IT IS his being a black/white President, that's driving you nuts and you can't figure out, how in the hell did this happen? How did the American people let this happen?

Well, I think it is. I truly believe that it disturbs you greatly to the point that you have lost your senses because at the root of it, you are a racist Mr. Wilson.

So either come to terms with who you Mr. Wilson or just get the hell out of the way.

Your inability to grasp what is really happening in our country and the progress that we are making towards moving our nation forward makes you a part of the problem. You sir, are bringing our country down. You are an embarrassment. Not someone we want representing our country. You have humiliated yourself, and I don't think you truly get it.

These are trying times for all of us. This is not the time for stupidity. If you do not and cannot respect the President himself, at least respect the position.

You clearly do not Mr. Wilson or you would have never crossed that boundary.

So, go home sir and call it a day. That Mr. Wilson, is the only way to save face - maybe.

Oh, and by the way, no one will miss you. They'll talk about you. Make an example of you. Point at you behind your back and say, "There's that idiot who lost his mind!"

But, no one sir, will miss you.

What FEAR Really Stands For

2009-08-31T18:25:00.000-07:00

Last week, I came across the true meaning of what the word FEAR really stands for.

Finding Excuses And Reasons.

How liberating!

At first, I felt a little defensive and when I came to terms with my own fear(s), I realized, that I have been the Queen of Excuses and Reasons. It occurred to me how good I had gotten at it and rationalizing my excuses and reasons.

Wow...

In the end, the only thing that keeps any of us from going after our dreams, goals, desires and so on is FEAR.

Be it fear of success or failure, if we are not truly following our bliss, it is probably because we are making up excuses or reasons for not doing so.

Well, I'm taking the plunge and not letting myself off the hook. No more excuses for taking my sweet time to build my empire (Marlo Entertainment). The only that stands in my way is me.

Get behind me, ME!

What about you?

What have you been called to do?

What is your true purpose?

What excuses and reasons are you coming up with for not living and walking in your full God given potential?

Once you have identified them and see them for what they truly are, let them go.

No more excuses. No more reasons.

And you too will see, no more fear.

I've Been Tagged!

2009-08-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have been officially tagged! Dang it!

I was tagged on a post from Zensekai, the Zen master himself at http://zensekai.wordpress.com.

How dare he?

Supposedly, the way it works is that you have to post five things about yourself. Four are untrue. One is true. All are so outlandish, implausible or ridiculous that no one would be inclined to believe that any of them are true. And despite the pleas from your readers, you never divulge which is true and which are fabrications. You then tag five other people (four seriously and one person you are pretty sure would never participate).

Here are my five:

1. I once ate 20 slices of watermelon in one sitting.
2. I killed a small garden snake with my bare hand.
3. I was beaten with a belt so badly once that the belt buckle broke off.
4. I've had four near death experiences all involving drowning.
5. I innocently stole a ball from a store when I was five years old.

The five lucky victims who are hereby tagged are: Janie Felan, Bonnie Manchester, Rose Mary Mejivar, Anita Reesman, and (can I have drum roll?) Berna Riojas!

Have fun ladies! You have been tagged!

Where Do Our Loved One's Go?

2009-08-16T14:35:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered where people really do go when they die?

My very dear friend called me yesterday, upset, and heart-broken as she was missing her mother who passed away three years ago.

Apparently, my friend had made a simple meal that reminded her of her dear mother that triggered a fond memory of her mom. That precious memory as small as it was, took my friend back and she called me, just barely able to speak.

I am so grateful that my friend deems me worthy of such a call and yet, I was and am always at a lost for words. My heart goes out to her. And to her family.

What do you say?

Somehow, "Well at least she is not suffering any more," does not suffice. Nothing I can say will or can make it better. Not when the person who is really suffering is my friend who just wants her mom back.

Even though it has been three years since her passing, the loss is still so painful and so raw. Like a wound that just won't heal.

Time is supposed to heal, but does it?

Maybe the loss just becomes somewhat more manageable. And yet, my friend tells me she feels closer to her mom than ever. She shares that she can feel her mother's presence with her all the time.

So where do our loved one's go?

Are they really in heaven? Heaven sounds and seems so far away. And yet every thing we 'hear' about heaven is wonderful.

Wonderful for whom? Certainly not for those who have experienced the loss.

I wonder...is it possible that heaven is just another dimension?

A dimension that is not visible to the naked eye?

And my friend's mother really is in heaven, but heaven is actually right here with us. And what my friend feels is her mother's love right there present with her and her mother's love is reaching out to her to let her know how much she is loved.

I really need to believe that because I do not and cannot believe that a loving God would or could have the heart to separate us from those we love so much.

I know how dear and precious my children are to me and I hate being separated from them.

Is it possible that the Creator who created you and me in His image possesses the same, if not even more, love for His creation and understands how death impacts His own creation?

Once again, I need to believe that as well.

I come from the school that nothing can separate us from our loved one's. Not even death. And what seems like separation really isn't.

Maybe, just maybe our dear loved one's who have passed are more accessible than we are aware of and all we have to do is just speak to them and let them know how much they are missed. Maybe even though they are not here physically, they can still hear us. And they too are speaking to us in our hearts.

Where do our loved one's go? Perhaps their bodies have transformed, but their love endures forever.

And it is that love, their love, that is still here with us. To uphold us. To comfort us. To love us. Especially when we need them most.

Dedicated to the Maldonaldo Family in Loving Memory of their Beloved Criselda 'Chita' Maldonado.

True Story

2009-08-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

So I'm attending a film festival in Hollywood at a very prestigous hotel yesterday and I'm waiting for two other producers to show up.

We have all agreed to meet at the entrance of the establishment so that we can all go in together, right?

Well, it occurs to me that there might be another entrance so I walk around and sure enough, I see another door leading into the hotel.

So I walk over the the doorway and am wondering why the sliding doors are not opening for me. I begin to sway and then bounce a couple of times and nothing happens. I do this again to no avail.

A young woman walks up behind me and pushes the door open and says, "Lady, you have to push it".

Saying Goodbye To Michael Jackson

2009-06-30T09:52:00.000-07:00

When I first heard that Michael Jackson had passed away, my first response was shock. As the day progressed, I still could not digest it.

The thought actually crossed my mind, "Maybe this is just a publicity stunt" and on some level I really wanted to believe that.

How could the little boy from Gary, Indiana who touched our hearts with his amazing voice and incredible dancing, be dead?

I was one of those little girls who crushed on Michael like many back in the day. I went to a mostly white school and I did not see many minorities. There was not one black student in my elementary school and only a handful of latinos.

So, when MJ came on the scene in our homes on television in my early elementary days, I was forever changed, touched, and impacted.

A. He was a cute little brother. (I loved the fro!)
B. He could sing.
C. He could dance.
D. And he came from a big family too.

Well, hell yeah, I could relate. On the big family part (only).

And his music. Wow. Even as a little girl, his music made me cry. It still makes me cry til this day.

I think that I like many grew up with Michael Jackson. I can still remember the 'red light' parties in the '70's when we would play all the Jackson 5 music and 'try' to dance like him. And of course none of us could, but we sure had a wonderful time trying.

Hey, I may have gone to an all white school, but in the neighborhood I grew up in, and the few people of color there were, we would search each other out and hang out and let our hair down together. (We didn't know it was called the down-low back then.)

Those were the days!

Hey, it wasn't only the latinos and blacks who loved Michael, I knew a few 'blancos' who also loved Michael. And it was Michael and his music that brought us all together.

Saying good bye to him is like losing a member of our family. I am forever grateful for his talent and the hope he gave to all of us black, white, latino, asian...the many people all over the world.

So Michael, as far as this fan is concerned, I really Never Can Say Goodbye.

Chorus:
Never can say goodbye
No no no no, I
Never can say goodbye

Even though the pain and heartache
Seems to follow me wherever I go
Though I try and try to hide my feelings
They always seem to show
Then you try to say you're leaving me
And I always have to say no...

Tell me why
Is it so

That I
Never can say goodbye
No no no no, I
Never can say goodbye

Everytime I think I had enough
I start heading for the door
There's a very strange vibration
That pierces me right to the core
It says turn around you fool
You know you love her more and more

Tell me why
Is it so
Don't wanna let yo go

(Instrumental)

(Chorus)

I keep thinkin that our problems
Soon are all gonna work out
But there's that same unhappy feeling and there's that anguish, there's that doubt
*It's that same old dizzy hang up
*Can't live with you or without

Tell me why
Is it so
Don't wanna let you go

(Chorus)

(Repeat till fade)

A Must Read!

2009-06-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe this is happening here in Burbank in my own back yard. Below is a blog written by my husband, Earnest.

To think that he at one time considered working for the Burbank Police Department.

Shame on our police department if this is true. Let's bring the FED's in and fix this mess now.
_____________________________________________
Are Police Officers More Racist Than the General Population?
_____________________________________________
I read an article this week in the local paper here in Burbank about a major discrimination lawsuit against the Burbank Police Department being filed this week. The lawsuit is being brought by about five officers, three Hispanics, two males and one female, as well as an Armenian man and I believe one Black man. They allege that over the years they have been subject to numerous cases of ugly racial statements, discrimination, retaliation and general mistreatment. I don’t even want to repeat some of the stupid things that were supposedly said to them and that they had to listen to. Just suffice it to say that they were often the typical slurs and ethnic innuendos. If what they are saying is true, and frankly it is hard to imagine five people deciding to come forward with this kind of lawsuit if they weren’t sure of their case considering how hard it would be for them to keep their jobs otherwise, that I believe it must be true.

One of my initial thoughts upon reading this, is wow, can this be in my town, Burbank, in California? But it is a reminder that racism doesn’t stop at the borders of certain cities and towns. Look at the cops in New York City that viciously beat up that black man a few years ago, think about Rodney King and Mark Furman. So little Burbank is not immune and I should not be surprised.

My second thoughts were what is up with cops? Is there a certain breed of person that chooses to be a cop? Does it attract bullies and small minded people? I don’t think that is true overall, because I have met some really cool police officers and I do believe what these people do on a daily basis for all of us is indeed heroic and remarkable. But somehow these incidents happen, from one side of the country to the other and in police departments large and small. For the most part I’m going to stand by the belief that police departments only reflect the larger society. That a small percentage of them are racists, reflective of the society at large. But equally so, many are fine people.

But there is no getting around the fact that it is incredibly scary to think that in the case of a racist police officer, they are licensed to carry a gun and can legally mess with you whenever they feel like it. It is not harmless bigotry. So if the facts of this lawsuit are true, I hope the Burbank Police Department is made to pay a high price and as a result forced to make some serious adjustments to the force and in the mindset of its leadership and officers. Only then can all the people feel safe.

I'm Buddhist And Proud Of It!!

2009-05-21T19:06:00.000-07:00

Today I am officially freeing myself. Actually, I was free all along, but I was not walking and living it. I was afraid to step out and be honest about who I really am.

Because if I was totally honest, I might be setting myself up to have to defend my own personal beliefs.

What? Is that crazy? Defend them to who?

It's stupid. That's what it is!

What I found myself doing was always appending to my proclamation of being a Buddhist practioner, that I was Christian raised (a believer), but for the last fifteen years, have also been a student of the Buddha.

Huh?

Why did I feel for the need to add or explain? And what does that all mean?

More importantly, who cares?!

And yet, I did it. Because who the hell has ever heard of a Mexican-Amercian Buddhist? "Aren't all Mexicans Catholic anyway?" was what I was afraid I would be asked.

Once again, who cares?

Was it my fear of being Mexican-American? No. Not Catholic? No. Or that I didn't perceive myself as being normal? Maybe.

And what the hell is normal anyway?

I certainly don't know!

Or was I just afraid I would not be accepted? Or possibly even judged?

Huh? Who's judging? Maybe...self?

If anyone else came to me and shared that they had these same thoughts, I would look at them and ask, "Why does it matter if you are Buddhist, Catholic, or whatever?"

I would encourage them to be their own person.

So, today, this stupid stuff ends. And it ends with me.

Being Buddhist has made me I believe a better mother, wife, friend, and yes, person.

Who cares what anyone thinks?

I am certain that no one was sitting around and wondering, "What is Dianna? Catholic? Muslim? Buddhist?"

No one other than my own ego. My own idea of self kept me prisoner. A prisoner in my mind only. Time to let go of this silly attachment and the suffering it has caused!

Get behind me Dianna (ego)!

I am one happy Buddhist! I am freeeeeeeeeeeee!

Shameless Plug

2009-05-16T14:48:00.000-07:00

Here is a shameless plug for one of the many blogs my husband writes. I am so proud of him and his ability to speak his mind freely. Through him I have learned the power that exists in writing.

www.nomorerace.blogspot.com

Safe To Share

2009-05-04T21:32:00.000-07:00

I think it is safe now to share what crazy, zany, and off-the-wall idea my husband had recently. And yes, I went along, so I guess that makes me just as loony.

Earnest signed us up to audition to be on a television show that was casting here locally in LA for couples. We auditioned last week. The name of the show is called "Crash Course" and it is produced by the same people at ABC's show "WipeOut."

The object of the show is for couples to compete against other couples performing car stunts for a BIG cash price. The producers of the show come up with crazy car stunts and the couples take turns attempting to perform the stunts.

Just for the record, I'm not a good driver and I am an awful passenger, especially when I ride shot gun. I drive my husband nuts! (Literally!) The Latina in me comes out and it is nerve wrecking I am told. To his credit, Earnest tunes me out except for those awkward looks he gives me when I flinch or brace myself suddenly while he is driving.

He loves to remind me that he has never had a car accident in the 30 plus years he has been driving. Me, on the other hand, well...

So, we made it to the next round of auditions and then it hit us. Maybe we should wait until the second season of the show so we can find out if this new show makes people look like idiots the way they do on "WipeOut." God knows, we don't need any help in that department. We are entertaining enough without a camera on us!

Needless to say, it was fun auditioning and getting away for a few hours alone with my husband.

I'm just not sure I really want to get in a moving vehicle, attempt a crazy car stunt and lose my wits and start cursing in Spanish in front of millions of people watching just to (possibly) win money.

I'm not that crazy, or am I?

The Real Earnest

2009-04-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

When your husband begins a sentence with, "You're not going to like this, but sit down, we need to talk, I have something to tell you," is never a good sign.

In fact, my initial response is to turn and run.

When Earnest said this yesterday, I did my best to stay composed and asked, "What did you do now Earnest?"

At this point I have to cut and go back to the past and remember his vows to me at our wedding ceremony some thirteen years ago.

He promised me many things that day but he made a point to say that my life would never be boring. At the time I thought it odd, but was caught up in the moment. Now, I clearly see what he meant.

I have to go on record that my husband is probably the most unique individual I have ever met. He at times amazes me with his genius mind and there are times he leaves me baffled. He goes from being super serious one moment, spewing out great wisdom, to saying the silliest things, from out-of-nowhere! (I must admit that I cannot keep up with him.)

Sometimes he will just blurt something out that has nothing to do with what is happening at the moment. He's just responding to something we spoke about earlier like remembering a person's name.

To say that I would never be bored is such an understatement!

I never know from one day to the next what will come out of his mouth or what zany idea he has cooking up in his mind.

All I know is that whatever he is up to it will involve me having to do something that leaves me scratching my head or me giving him that blank stare and wondering, "Have you lost your mind?"

In the end, it always turns out for the best, but not until we have gone on some type of adventure be it emotional, mental, spiritual or even physical. I never know.

I'm starting to wonder if he is even human.

He even has energy like no one I have ever met. He can work from 6 a.m. until 12:00 midnight every day (including weekends) and wake up all happy and ready to go at it again. He sings, dances and even thinks he can dance like Beyonce and does a great impression of 'All the Single Ladies'.

How he does it, just blows my mind. I get up at the same time, but by 9:30 p.m. I'm nodding off. Heck, I sometimes have my pajamas on by 6:00 p.m. and he looks at me like I'm boo boo the fool!

So what was it that he had to tell me that I was not going to like? Well, stay tuned. I will know more on Monday of this upcoming week. Let's just say, get ready folks, this will go down as one of the craziest things that Earnest and I have ever done.

I just hope that I live to tell the story.

Social Networking/Media

2009-04-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm all for social networking and we have met some wonderful people through our blogs and on Twitter and FaceBook.

But, I have to draw the line somewhere. Recently I informed my husband that dinner was almost ready. I was exactly ten steps away from him standing in the kitchen when I called out to him. He was busy on the computer working in our home office.

His response to me, "Tweet me when it's done!"

No Obstacles, Just Opportunities

2009-04-06T19:51:00.000-07:00

I had the nicest compliment the other day from out-of-the-blue. At least it seemed like one. And yet it was a real lesson for me too.

One of my co-workers came up to me and asked very seriously, "How do you do it Dianna?"

At first I was a little thrown off by the question.

"Do what?", I asked.

"What you do", she replied. "You know, whenever someone comes up to you with a problem, you listen to them, and no matter how big or impossible it seems to everyone else, you smile and then you're off and within minutes, you come back with a solution!"

At this point I cracked up.

She looked at me and said, "Seriously Dianna! There are no obstacles for you!"

I laughed so hard I thought I would pee in my pants! But, my co-worker was really being sincere. (So I composed myself immediately) and had to ask, "What are you talking about?"

She then went on to tell me, "I watch you and you make everything look so easy and what is so strange is that here you are this very small woman. You look like a little girl from a distance and I see you talking to people so serious and you make them laugh and I see them nodding their heads in agreement with you and then you come back all happy. Next thing I know. Problem solved!"

"Wow!", I told her, "you give me way too much credit."

She was silent for a moment and then said somewhat sadly, "I would never be able to go ask for help or even think to tell someone that I have a problem."

"Really?", I asked her.

"Dianna, not everyone can do what you do!" she said a little irritated with me.

I apologized and told her that I too have problems and face great obstacles every day. The way I go about solving challenges may be different, but that I'm not special by any means. But, what I have learned is that 'no' sometimes means - find another way.

Sometimes obstacles are really opportunities. And the most important lesson I have learned is that I don't have all the answers, but maybe, just maybe if I share my needs with others, someone, something, some 'way' will present itself. I admitted that I actually rely on the kindness of others in many instances to bail me out of what might seem like impossible situations. But I will never know if my 'problem' or any 'problem' can be solved if I or we don't go look for help. Share the situation. Or even ask for help. Sometimes we just have to 'make' something happen somehow.

In the end, I'm not sure if my co-worker bought what I was saying. She still seemed a little dismayed. But, it was interesting to hear her perspective of me. I don't see it. I feel like I live my life in the land of the Philistines just like everyone else fighting giants all day. It seems like one thing after another. Money issues, car issues, house issues, work issues, business issues, health issues, family issues...we all have problems.

Anybody got a BIG rock?

Doing What I Love

2009-04-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

Shame on me! It has almost been a month since I have written on this blog. I'm certain that I am on the verge of losing my one or two readers! If they haven't already given up on me.

I have been busy working on a wonderful project bringing two beautiful cultures together for a short film festival in October. The two cultures being the Palestinians and Israelis. Yeah, pretty cool huh?

I have also been working on my next movie project Pawn Shop. We are doing a lot of marketing and publicity to build the buzz around the movie. But it has been the festival event that has taken up most of my time.

The goal is to pull it off and make sure that it is a cultural event and not a political one. I feel confident that we can and will. We are planning a night of food, dance, music, and films. So much to do, so little time! I love it!

Part of my task it to bring the two communities together.

I had the great honor of going to the Israeli Consulate here in Los Angeles last week and meeting with the Cultural Director. We are hoping that the Consulate will support this project and thus we met with them to give them a break down of how we see the night unfolding.

I am happy to share that they were very supportive.

As you might imagine, the security was very strict and our phones and laptops were confiscated at the door and we were not allowed to take them into the meeting with us. (I must admit that I felt a little naked without my phone). I've gotten so use to having my cell phone on me at all times but hey, I fully understood that I was on Israeli soil and did what I was told.

I couldn't help but wonder if they were x-raying us as well.

The meeting went very well and we were then escorted back to the security area where we were told to wait.

As we (myself and the other producer) entered the room to pick up our belongings, the door shut, and it locked behind us. We looked at each other, tried opening the door, but we were locked in. We, okay I, starting hitting buttons on the wall and knocking on the door. I said something like, "Let my people go!" My producer friend whispered, "Dianna!"

"What?", I replied, "Hey it worked for Moses!", I thought to myself.

Ten plagues later of course.

Luckily we didn't have to wait long.

And maybe it won't take me too long to write again! (Maybe)

Hey, I'm not promising any of that so let it written, so let it be done stuff!

Just know that I'm producing my butt off and I'm doing what I love.

Measuring Success In This Moment

2009-03-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

As of late I have had a difficult time feeling like my life is a successful one. There is so much happening around me, some to me, and a lot has nothing to do with me. I just allow myself to get sucked into a place where I feel icky. I either hear something on the news that makes my heart sink or speak with someone who is dealing with something so heavy like a life-threatening emergency and I can't help but look inward at my own suffering.

As a Christian I know that I was never promised a life without suffering. And that God has and will always provide for me. What is that verse? "Many are the afflictions...but the Lord will deliver them..."

As a practicing Buddhist, suffering or dukha as I have come to understand it, is the first noble truth that the Buddha taught. I view it more as dissatisfaction.

It is so easy to focus on what we need (a car), want (more money) and desire (to grow my businesses) and rarely on what we already have (enough).

And when things are not going as I have planned or I spend my days putting out fires, it is a struggle for me to remain focused, single-minded, and completely mindful and yes, full of love, generosity, and compassion.

How Jesus and Buddha did it baffles me!

The other day, I called my best friend in Austin, Texas and we spoke very briefly. I think she picked up almost immediately that I was feeling overwhelmed. When I get like that, my tendency is to bolt. Run. Fast. Anywhere. Just go. The only problem with that is wherever I go, there I am and so are my problems. She calmly suggested that I find a quiet place to be alone with God and just let Him talk to me.

Her words were music to my ears.

A scripture from the Bible came to me. "Be still and know that I am God".

I took her advice and found in the midst of worry, dissatisfaction, and deep concern, a place to 'hide' and be quiet.

And there it was. His voice saying, "The real measurement of success is based on what you have, not what you want, desire or for that matter what you need. It is what you value in your life in this moment Dianna."

Ouch. That was a little uncomfortable.

I don't think that God was dismissing my needs. For I know that He meets all my needs. What He was saying is how is worrying about them going to get them to me any sooner. Enjoy now. Count my blessings in this moment.

How I take 'this moment' for granted. It is the only moment that counts. In this present moment, I have everything I need. I have my health. I have my family. In this moment I am surrounded by much love. Why isn't that enough? Shouldn't it be?

One would think.

Living On The Hill

2009-02-22T16:14:00.000-08:00

Recently we moved into our new place here in Burbank aka Burbank Hills. OMG! What a view!

Something that I have noticed about living up here besides the spectacular view is the shift in my mindset.

For quite sometime, the impact of the non-strike hold up by the Screen Actor’s Guild, has really put a lot of us in the industry on hold. And that translates into very little if any income for those of us in the business. It has been scary especially for me as a producer as one of the most important aspects of my job is solidifying funding for all our projects.

My husband Earnest even has a nickname for me – Scrilla (slang for money!)

Well, it’s hard raising money in a good economy. Imagine how tough it is in this economy! I spend my days shaking trees, looking under rocks, pitching ideas, and then going back and shaking the same trees! Kicking more rocks hoping I’ve missed something. Sometimes the desperation can be overwhelming and this can wear a person down. I have even resorted to begging and pleading if that will free up money to keep our business going and people working.

The other night as I was driving back from a Women In Film International meeting in Beverly Hills, I drove through downtown Los Angeles and it struck me as I looked up at the tall buildings and all the busy activity - I live twenty five minutes away from downtown and can see LA’s skyline from my house!

From my backyard, I can look out and see my world from a different perspective now. For way too long I have lived in the valley looking up at the hills and wondering, hoping, and praying, how much longer will we endure such craziness.

Since we moved, it’s like a shift happened. I’m owning this hill top view. We may have been in the valley for a time, but things are changing and so should I.

We (Earnest and I) have worked our asses off (yeah I said it!) to get where we are and I have been walking around feeling defeated and it has affected my attitude, my mindset, and my perspective.

And I hope that I am not sounding arrogant, because there is a part of me that still feels like a Burbank Hillbilly. What I am saying is that my new view has given me a new way of really seeing. Seeing what I’ve been and giving me hope for what I have yet to accomplish. Where you live, I am learning, is more than just a location. It is where you live in your mind that makes all the difference. A nice address and view are just places, but when your mind is right, you see things differently, more clearly. The view from my home may have sparked a change in mindset, but the real difference came only when I looked inside myself to see my own worth, and surprisingly, that worth had little to do with anything more than my own sense of who and what I was.

Happy (Thanksgiving) Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T12:31:00.000-08:00

That's right! Happy Thanksgiving Valentine's Day!

This year the Harris family decided to combine holidays so we celebrated Valentine's Day with a turkey dinner. All that was missing was the cranberry sauce and my famous chocolate pie! I'm thinking I'll run out in a bit, pick up some cranberry sauce and cut the jellied cranberry into little hearts for leftovers this evening for presentation! Ahhh...who said I'm not the romantic type? Oh that was me.

But, I am thankful today as I am every day. Thankful for the the family I have. Thankful for all our friends. Thankful for our home and all our companies. And thankful for the fact that as crazy as the world seems right now with the economy, the jobless rate, and the amount of suffering that we know is happening, that our family is together and we are happy and we haven't stopped laughing.

To be honest I don't know how we do it!

As my 11 year old son put it the other day when he questioned both me and my husband, "Is that all you guys do all day, just crack each other up and laugh all the time?"

Earnest and I looked at each other, thought about it for a second and burst out laughing. "Not ALL day!", we both responded.

The truth is, we do! We have to laugh. Laugh with each other and continue to love each other and be thankful for each other. It seems to me that when things are as tough as they are right now, my practice says, dig in deep. Change will happen. And until it does, keep loving, be thankful and whatever you do, don't stop laughing.

Happy Thanksgiving Valentine's Day!

Our Cali Girl

2009-02-05T23:46:00.000-08:00

Today my husband Earnest and I got such a kick out of our 10 year old daughter Maria who is clearly a 'Valley Girl'. Maria was born here in California. Burbank to be exact.

Keep in mind, it's sunny and warm 345 days out of the year where we live.

We have our own seasons here. We have a rainy season, fire season, awards season...

For the last few days, the weather report mentioned rain. Which we very rarely get here in Southern California. Being the responsible parents that we are, we made sure Maria packed an umbrella in her backpack.

Well the weather report was right and it rained all day. When we picked Maria up from school this afternoon, she opened the car door and was suddenly panic stricken as she yelled out, "How do you close this thing?" (Referring to the umbrella.)

She's wrestling with the umbrella while trying to throw the backpack in the car and get in the car all at the same time. And upset because her jeans are soaking wet. She's clearly frustrated and on the verge of freaking out.

Earnest and I both looked at her and were bewildered by her question and strange behavior. Earnest calmly said, "Maria, you're ten years old, you should know how to use an umbrella!"

Then it immediately dawned on us, wait a minute, this is the same child who once asked us very sincerely and genuinely did not know, "What's a coat?"

The Joy of Eating and Sleeping

2009-02-01T20:33:00.000-08:00

The other day I was thinking about my happiest moments and asked my husband, Earnest, "Babe, when am I the most happiest?"

He paused for a moment and said' "Oh, that's easy. When you're sleeping!"

I was shocked by his answer and refused to believe it. So he suggested that I ask our kids Lawrence, our 11 year old son and Maria, our 10 year old daughter. He promised that he would not prep them and that he was 100% sure that they would also come up with the same answer.

I turned my nose up at him and told him, "There is no way our kids will ever say that about me."

During the Super Bowl game today, I took a little nap during the second half of the game and when I awoke, Earnest and I both remembered my question about my happiest moments.

So, Earnest being the fair person that he is, asked the children, without leading them in any way, "Kids, when is mom the most happiest?"

Maria, thought about it for a minute and replied, "When you're eating and sleeping."

Lawrence, who couldn't wait to chime in, then put his two cents in and said, "Yeah mom, you're like a baby because you wake up and you eat and then you go back to sleep. And if you don't get your sleep and if the food doesn't taste good, even if you're the one who made it, you get mad!"

Who knew?

Living With Anger

2009-01-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

How mad do I need to get for my husband to know that I'm mad? I was mad for two days and my husband had no clue.

Clue #1: I didn't talk much on the ride to and from the Zen Center yesterday.

Clue #2: The cold shoulder treatment and unresponsiveness.

Clue #3: The glaring looks and stares.

Clue #4: Speaking only to him through the children.

Clue #5: Serving him his meals last and cold and only making my favorite dishes.

Clue #6: Only referring to him by Earnest instead of 'Babe' or 'Daddy'.

Clue #7: Not laughing at his jokes (which are very rarely funny).

Clue #8: Purposely not seasoning his food and serving him small portions only.

Clue #9: Taking longer in the bathroom than necessary...really long.

Clue #10: Leaving very little toilet paper on the roll and not changing it!

Clue #11: Pretending like I forgot to wash his draws so he would run out!

This morning, while I was in the kitchen, he came in to mess with me like he usually does. I turned away when he tried to kiss me, and said, "Leave me alone, can't you tell I'm still mad at you?"

Laughingly he replied, "You're mad at me?", "It's hard to tell...you're always mad!"

Greatest Day Ever!

2009-01-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

Today was the greatest day ever! Our family spent the whole day down in Leimert Park, here in southern California, at the Annual Kingdom Day Parade in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Unlike the Tournament of Roses Parade, we were able to leave the house at 9:00 a.m. to secure a prime spot and didn't have to camp out over night! The parade started at 10:30 a.m. and usually lasts for two hours, but today it went on for hours. My last count was 240 entries at 2:30 p.m. and the parade had not ended! (The Rose Parade has only 89 entries!)

After the parade we walked over to the plaza and ate up! We had fried catfish, wings, french fries, sweet potatoe pie, snow cones, nachos, cotton candy, hot links, chips and well...let's just say that our family will probably have very bad tummy aches tonight!

What a wonderful feeling of excitement there was in the air. People were dancing, laughing, and just enjoying each other. The 82 degree weather was a treat as well as it was the perfect temperature for a perfect day. (I love LA!)

There were so many people there (of all ethnicities) and most of them were sporting Obama and Dr. King T-shirts. Mostly Obama.

I jokingly mentioned to Earnest, my husband, that I'd love to open a store and sell Obama-bilia! His popularity alone could probably bail us out of our national deficit!

Something was definitely very different about today's parade than others we have attended in previous years. There was a sense of hope and readiness for change. Long awaited change. You could feel it. People were so friendly and just wanted to celebrate. There was a true feeling of unity. A confirmation of a dream fulfilled. And that we should continue to dream and never give up on our dreams.

I'm sure that tomorrow's events of President-Elect Obama's Inauguration was on everyone's mind and it contributed to the excitement of the day.

As I looked out into the crowd and thought of everyone Dr. King touched, I could not help but feel grateful. Grateful to Dr. King and the many who made today's celebration of his dream - a reality.

Thank you Dr. King!

Finding My Center

2009-01-16T21:54:00.000-08:00

Where is my center and how do I find it?

For me, it is that very quiet place that is still, tranquil, calm and at peace. Usually while on the cushion in sitting meditation.

And yet, while sitting, there is thought. But I see the thought arising and as I breathe in slowly, the thought slowly fades and I breathe out - calmly. I do not force the thought away, nor do I hold onto it or follow it. I lovingly and gently let it go.

Breathing in...breathing out. There is only the breath. There is no me, no I. Only equinimity. (No duality.)

Ahh...there it is.

Staying here (centered) is the real challenge. Especially off the cushion.

Right Speech

2009-01-15T07:38:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been keeping up with my Buddhist friends in the blog community and was inspired to take my practice to a higher level. I shared one of my thoughts about RIGHT SPEECH with my husband (Earnest) and said to him, "Honey, I have decided that one of my goals for this year it to take RIGHT SPEECH more seriously and if I can't say something nice, I just won't say anything at all!"

Without skipping a beat Earnest replied, "This is going to be a very QUIET year for you!"

The Married Life

2009-01-12T15:07:00.000-08:00

This morning as Earnest, my adorable and loving husband, were in our car and on the way to our bank, I hinted, "Honey, you haven't said those three little magic words to me yet today".

After a long and quiet pause, Earnest responded hestitantly, "What's...for dinner?"

48 Hours of Anniversary

2009-01-09T21:44:00.001-08:00

This year my husband, Earnest and I are entering 13 years of marriage and boy did we celebrate! Yeah baby, my honey took me out for a night on the town - literally! We actually spent the night on Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena awaiting the 120th Tournament of Roses Parade.

We arrived on Colorado at noon on the 31st of January (our Christian wedding date) to stake our claim for a prime spot for the parade. This is a huge event that draws millions of people and every inch of space is literally fought for. Thus the need for law enforement who patrol the area. And their presence is felt and heard all night long! (I can actually imitate the sound of a police siren. Earnest gets a big kick out of this. It's a gift.)

We got there so early that we were interviewed on three television stations. It was our suitcases and all our gear that caught their attention. The television crew found it amusing that we came ALL THE WAY from Burbank with so much stuff! (Burbank is less than ten minutes from Pasadena.)

A side note: The parade does not actually begin until 8:00 am January 1st (our Buddhist wedding date).

From noon to midnight everyone is allowed to put all their belongings on the sidewalk. At midnight (officially New Year's Day), everyone races to put their folded chairs on the street just behind a marked line. But, it is on the 'street'.

So, as one can imagine, it is very hard to sleep. A: It's cold. B: It can be dangerous. C: It's too darn cold (oh, I said that already huh?) and D: It's too noisy to get any rest. Earnest and I slept a total of two hours each - if that much.

Somehow sitting in the cold, I just kept thinking about how I had to go to work right after the parade and Earnest would be going home, kicking back, and watching the USC game on television and that made me mad. I didn't hesitate to let him know that either. So much for my Buddhist practice in that moment. Where was my compassion? (I was hogging it all up on me!)

We were very fortuate to get a great spot right in front of Starbucks, because after midnight, from 1:00 a.m. until 5:00 a.m. (which is the longest part of the night), the hot chocolate sure came in handy!

This is an annual family event for the Harris household and as we sat there in our folded chairs, wrapped in our blankets (shivering), my son commented, "So Mom, you and Dad actually have a 48 hour anniversary".

I had never really thought of it like that! I had always focused on the fact that in order to honor both of our religious beliefs, we held two weddings on two separate days.

So being the woman that I am and looking for another reason to throw a party, I have decided to milk the 48 hour anniversary celebrations and bump it up. The other day I mentioned to Earnest that I would like to renew our vows in both traditions (Christian and Buddhist). He said he would 'think' about it. I'm thinking January 2, 2010 and extending the anniversary to 72 hours! I might even talk him into breaking it up into two days again for both ceremonies (Jan. 2nd and 3rd) and going for 96 hours!!

BUT, I will not choose to 'go out' all 96 hours!

Around 4:00 in the morning as we sat in the cold (freezing our nalgas off), we looked over at our children sleeping (through all the noise) on the air mattress snug and warm and it occurred to us, "We must be idiots! We are choosing to be homeless on a night that is considered the most unsafe of the year, while all our worldly possessions are at home nice and toasty!", "On top of that, we are trying to sleep inches away from the street where people are driving up and down the boulevard, probably drunker than two-day-old skunks!"

We couldn't help but laugh. It was at this point that I decided I would be so kind as to share my gift of making siren sounds. We laughed our (very cold) butts off!

And yet as the morning rolled in and the parade began, we looked at each other and knew without saying a word - it is so worth it and we'll do it again next year!

We really are match made in heaven and truly do deserve each other!

Life With Dianna

2009-01-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

I had an Ikea moment the other day. Well almost an Ikea moment. Have you seen the commercial where the lady runs out of Ikea and as she is walking quickly to the car she yells to her husband who is waiting in the car, "Start the car! Start the car!", as if it is some kind of bank heist and they need to get away quickly before the store clerk realizes she undercharged her?

My husband and I were at Ralph's (our local grocer) picking up a few items. Several from the frozen food section. I forgot to grab a small basket at the entrance of the store and the items I had in my hands were very cold. I have no idea why grocery stores are so darn cold. Well actually I do, but that doesn't stop me from mumbling under my breath, "Could somebody please close the refridgerator door!"

Anyway, my hands were freezing so I took off running with all the cold items in my hands towards the entrance to get a small basket. I was hunched over because I was freezing and must have looked like I was running towards a football goal line as I clasped the frozen food under my arm as if I were going in for a touchdown. As I grabbed the basket and I turned back to see if Earnest was waiting for me, he had a bewildered look on his face. Apparently he didn't hear me say I was going to get a basket. He was appalled! He looked scared. Really scared and worried.

When I caught up to Earnest, he had a look of relief on his face and said, "Babe, I know these are hard times, but we CAN afford these groceries. I had no idea what you were doing when you took off. I thought you were making a run for the door without paying and I wasn't sure if I should cause a diversion or what I should do." To which I replied, "Start the car! Start the car!", "Whoaaaa!"

Total Grocery Bill: $15.91
Look on Earnest's Face When He Thought I Was Stealing: Priceless

Stay Present

2008-12-30T09:06:00.000-08:00

As tough as 2008 was for all of us. Especially for those of us in the moviemaking business. I remain forever hopeful for 2009. If anything, I am even more determined to make sure my business succeeds. Not just for my immediate family. But for everyone involved with Marlo Productions. I feel a greater sense of obligation to continue to create work for those of us in the entertainment industry because of how crazy the ecomony is and how the movie business has been affected.

It is my belief that even during very difficult times that we should allow the creative juices to flow. We shouldn't turn off the camera nor should we stop jotting down our ideas. I refuse to turn off the camera in my head. I love watching people and being fully present in life. Every moment is more material for me as far as I'm concerned. Life is rich with material and can be so entertaining. We just have to be involved in it and stay present with each other in each moment.

So as we enter into a new year, a new beginning, let's keep that camera rolling. Roll sound. Roll camera. Action!

This World Is Conspiring For Our Success

2008-12-16T12:37:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met someone that no matter what you say to them, they just seem so negative? They complain about how life is just so unfair and it is either something or someone else's fault. It can't possibly be them or their attitude about life. And no matter what you say to be uplifting or encouraging, they refuse to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I seem to attract this type of person. Oh, they will laugh at one's self-deprecating jokes, and that is usually a cue to bolt (and fast too). Yes, this type of person loves to bask in their misery and in others shortcomings.

Recently, I mentioned to someone (just like this) who was having a so called 'bad day' that in spite of how bleak things may be for them, that I truly believe that the world is conspiring for our success. Their immediate response, "Well, I don't believe that!" I have to go on record that this 'someone' is a person that I have to deal with on a professional and personal basis nearly every day.

I truly believe that no matter what life may throw our way good or bad, these challenges are an opportunity for us to find out what we are really made of. Will we cave under pressure? Will we step up to the plate? Will we actually try something different? The old way isn't working, so let's do something that is not ordinary. Or will we bury our head in the sand and feel sorry for ourselves.

That is not to say that there are not some extreme hardships in life like losing a job, falling behind on your mortagage and on the brink of being homeless, a business going under, or losing a loved one. All of which require tremendous strength. All worthy of great compassion and each exceedingly difficult to deal with.

Everyone has pressure in their life and each of us deals with their's differently. But, we do have a choice about how we go about doing so.

Case in point: My husband and I have had a slow period in our movie-making business. Because of the possible actor's strike, our production has been delayed until next year. This should have been one of our most productive years in the industry. No one could have foreseen how the writer's strike followed by the SAG hold-out would have affected our business. But it did and it hit us hard. Earnest and I had to shift gears. One could say that we our down-on-our-luck.

So, to change things up, we started frequenting a coffee shop in the Burbank area to get out of the office and strategize about our business and how to keep things moving forward in spite of the delays.

The coffee morning meeting ritual has been going on for a while and we now know the early morning clientele of this establishment. Recently we met another Producer/Director who we have seen in the coffee shop and have on occassion said hello to in passing. We watched this individual from a distance and it was immediately made clear to us that he too is in the 'business' (the film industry). After chatting with this individual, it turns out he is in need of much help on a television production that starts up in two weeks. He has asked us to come on board and help him with his project.

Luck?

I'm not one to put much emphasis on luck. I don't believe in good or bad luck. There is just life and my hope is that we all live it fully. My husband and I could have chosen to stay in the office and feel sorry for ourselves and the whole "Woe is me," bit, and try to blame somebody but that is not who we are.

Like I mentioned earlier. I not only attract the 'negative folks', I attract the highly energetic types too. But, we do have to keep our eyes open and make ourselves available to the opportunities that are being presented.

The real question is are we paying attention or are we so self-absorbed in our own problems?

So, here is my challenge to all. Stop. Take a deep breath. Are you dealing with something really heavy? Does the the burden seem overwhelming? Good. You're probably right on track.

Mi Familia

2008-12-11T16:15:00.001-08:00

The Harris Family Wishes You A Very Merry Christmas!

Signs of Old Age

2008-12-02T19:11:00.000-08:00

Today it finally happened. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I cannot deny it any longer. I am getting old and losing it. That fact was made very clear to me in the most humiliating way.

I was sitting in the waiting area at a Toyota dealership in a room with about fifteen people all waiting for their cars to be serviced as well. I just happened to look down at my feet and noticed that the black shoes I thought I had on were not black at all but NAVY!

And then right there in front of everyone and for no apparent reason, I let out the biggest, "HA!" and started laughing hysterically. Everyone in the room looked at me as though I had just lost my mind.

After my little moment, I immediately looked to see what else I was wearing and noticed that I had on a black top, khaki pants and a grey sweater! Nothing I had on matched. Imagine my surprise. And those darn navy shoes! I decided to 'try' to hide the top by zipping up my sweater and then it occurred to me, "Oh no, how am I going to hide the fact that my black purse will not match with my navy shoes!"

Well needless to say, I was relieved when I was buzzed by the service department that my car was ready. I scooted out of that place and couldn't wait to get the you-know-what out of there!

When I got home, I told my husband what had happened and his response floored me. "I thought you knew the shoes were navy when you bought them." I was blown away. I bought the shoes a couple of months ago and really believed they were black. I would never have purchased navy shoes. Everything I wear is black to make me look slimmer. (Yes, I am that shallow!)

A little history about the shoes. I had seen them several times at the mall and kept eye-balling them until they were finally marked down to a price that suited me. I actually spotted them months ago and refused to pay full price for them. So, I really thought I was getting a great deal on those cute little black heeled sandals that would go great with my little black dress.

In fact, the day I bought them, I was so excited, that I ran to my closet as soon as I got home, slipped into my little black dress, touched up my lipstick and ran into the living room to model the whole outfit for my husband. I went on and on about how cute the shoes were and how much I loved them.

As I played the event over in my mind today, I just had to ask my husband (in my best trying-to-not-sound-mad voice), "Why didn't you tell me the shoes were not black?" His calm and honest response, "You were so happy...besides, I figured you knew they were navy and were bucking to get a navy outfit or handbag as well...you've done that before Dianna!"

I was appalled! And hurt. And to make matters worse, my husband had the audacity to imitate the way I modeled the shoes the day I bought them. It was too much for me to take. He was hilarious. We both fell out laughing.

So, I have been duly shamed and do hereby admit, it's time for me to slow down a bit. I'm getting old and can no longer deny the signs of aging, whatever color they come in!

What A Month!

2008-11-11T18:42:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it has been a month since I've written. It has been really busy on the homefront. What an exciting time this has been for our family. We now have a new President and a bi-ethnic President at that and I couldn't be happier! As a mother of two bi-ethnic children I am encouraged by the message this sends to all people of color. I was on board as an Obama supporter back in November of 2007. What a crazy ride it has been!

My last blog was written during the height of the Presidential campaign and boy did it get ugly. Thank God it's all over, the campaign and election that is, and now the real task begins for President-Elect Barack Obama.

I can't help wondering what a mess Obama has inherited. But, I truly believe that he is the right person for the job. I was one of the many who cried like a baby when the returns came in and he went over and above the electoral votes needed.

Join me please in prayer and support for our new President. God Bless America and God Bless President-Elect Obama!!

Is This Scary or What?

2008-10-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

I came across this video the other day and was appalled. The thought of Americans spewing this type of venom made me truly sad. It scares me to think that this is happening in our country. With all that we as a people are facing right now, I find it hard to believe that we have made little progress in the area of racism. Or is this plain ignorance? I find that hard to believe in an era where information is just a click away. It seems to me with all the problems we as a country are currently dealing with right now like the economy, people losing their homes, the loss of jobs, the price of gas, and so much uncertainty, that instead of spreading fear and division, we should be coming together. If anything, these trying times are an opportunity for us to step up to the plate and show how together we are. People are hurting. Why add such ugliness?

Watch and see for yourself.

My Bliss

2008-10-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

Today I was struck by the many blessings I have in my life. Among the many, my family, my friends, my home and what I do for a living. I don't take any of this for granted. Which brings me to what I wanted to share.

I know it sounds crazy for me to even comment on this, but it really is an overwhelming feeling to know that I get up everyday and actually look forward to what the day has in store for me. Because no matter what the day may bring, I'm ready! Bring it on!

My husband, Earnest, wakes up a little more spunkier that I and he usually starts the day with, "What will this day have in store for us?", and then he sings, "...it's just another perfect day. I love LA!".

And he's right! I love where I live. I love what I do. I love my job. I can't really call it that because it doesn't feel like work to me. In fact, my husband on occasion has called me a woman of leisure! To me, I am just following my bliss!

And it all started some sixteen years ago when my husband (who was just a friend at the time) asked me to describe my perfect day. Wow, no one had ever asked me to do that. I remember describing my day as waking up and living in a place where the weather is always warm and sunny. I saw myself surrounded by natural beauty. I knew I wanted to live near the beach and close to mountains. My mornings would include having the choice of where and when I went in to work (no nine to five for me!) and I was adamant about working for myself. I saw myself as the boss and someone in charge. (No more working for the man!) I was also specific about working in a field where there was no limit to what I could achieve. I saw children in my life and wanted to run my own company with an office close to my home so that I could always be available to my family. I also described how I would spend my evenings and wanted to share my life with my closest friend - my husband.

After this exercise, Earnest calmly asked me, "So what's holding you back?"

Well needless to say, I was forever changed. Somehow just hearing myself and thinking it, made it seem possible. I figured, if I can THINK it, maybe it CAN happen!

Well, I am here to tell you. If you can conceive it and believe it, then you CAN achieve it.

That doesn't mean that being the boss is easy, nor that running my own company is a breeze. On the contrary. And I have on some bad days, been tempted to leave it all and go work a regular job. But, what I have learned is that the headache I experienced working for someone else feels the same as the headache I get owning my own company.

Given the choice, I'd much rather be the one who inspires our workers and those around me. And when the opportunity arises, to also be the one that encourages the many I come into contact with to start their own companies. In essence, for them to follow their own bliss. We (Earnest and I) make it a point to ask those who work with us to share what their ultimate goals are so that we, if we can, may help them achieve their highest potential.

After all that we have been given, and have yet to still accomplish, it's the least we can do.

So, what's your perfect day? What's your bliss?

Wound Too Tight

2008-10-01T20:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I had tea with a really good friend, Natasha, who I have not seen in a year due to our busy schedules. We had a wonderful time catching up. Later when I got home and after putting the kids down to bed, something that came up in my conversation with Natasha kept running through my mind. I had shared with Natasha my concerns about my daughter, Maria, who is 10 years old and how concerned I am about how much she stresses about school and life in general. I told her how Maria strives so hard to do everything well. Natasha's was quiet for a moment and then responded, "Just like her mama, huh?". She went on to say how she has never really seen me chill and just kick back.

Oh my GOD. Sometimes we need someone outside of ourselves to point out the obvious. I know I work hard, just like everyone else. I know that I push myself, but doesn't everybody do that? Okay, maybe I do overcompensate. But it occurred to me. Is my behavior consistent with a person who is wound too tight? And maybe, just maybe, that explains why my daughter is the way she is. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?

Maria, bless her heart, has a hard time holding back her tears when she doesn't understand her school work and sometimes loses it when she is overwhelmed. The only difference for me is that I don't show my frustration in public. Maria hasn't mastered that skill, yet. For me, my emotions, when they do manifest, are usually directed at my husband, God Bless him, who in most instances, has no clue what in the hell is going on with me. How he puts up with me, is beyond me. Must be love.

I decided to really look at myself honestly and came up with some examples of snapping moments. Allow me to share.

I recalled one instance when I had just finished mopping the kitchen and had asked the family to PLEASE stay out of the kitchen until the floor had time to dry. (This happened about a month ago.) My husband was walking towards the kitchen as I made this request and yet there he was standing smack dab in the middle of the kitchen! What happened next still scares me. I let out this deep gurgling, loud, "UGGGGGHHH" and shoved him in the chest trying to push him out. Of course this was to no avail as he is much stronger than I. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. I had. I was so embarrassed. I ran to our bedroom and felt like a total idiot. "It's just a floor!" I thought to myself.

A more recent incident happened just yesterday. I was on a frustrating phone call putting out a 'fire'. As I returned back to a meeting, my husband, who was standing outside of my office, apparently had heard the conversation, reached out to me to give me a hug. I pushed his hands away and gave him a look of disdain and snapped at him. I don't even remember what I said to him. What in God's name is wrong with me?

A couple of hours after this happened I had cooled down, and I decided to ask my husband if he thought I was wound too tight. And there it was. That awkward silence. Then the lifted eyebrow and a ,"Well..." that tapered off into silence again. He was being nice. Or maybe he was afraid to answer the question after my most recent episode.

So this is to all of you out there, men and women alike who are dealing with stress and who sometimes lose it. Life is stressful. It's time for me to dig deep into my meditation practice. It's time for me to let down my chongo (english translation: bun or ponytail). I do this not just for my own sake but for my husband, my daughter and my 11 year old son. Who knows what effect I have had on him. Kids have enough stress of their own. No need for me to add to it.