Last week, I came across the true meaning of what the word FEAR really stands for.
Finding Excuses And Reasons.
How liberating!
At first, I felt a little defensive and when I came to terms with my own fear(s), I realized, that I have been the Queen of Excuses and Reasons. It occurred to me how good I had gotten at it and rationalizing my excuses and reasons.
Wow...
In the end, the only thing that keeps any of us from going after our dreams, goals, desires and so on is FEAR.
Be it fear of success or failure, if we are not truly following our bliss, it is probably because we are making up excuses or reasons for not doing so.
Well, I'm taking the plunge and not letting myself off the hook. No more excuses for taking my sweet time to build my empire (Marlo Entertainment). The only that stands in my way is me.
Get behind me, ME!
What about you?
What have you been called to do?
What is your true purpose?
What excuses and reasons are you coming up with for not living and walking in your full God given potential?
Once you have identified them and see them for what they truly are, let them go.
No more excuses. No more reasons.
And you too will see, no more fear.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I've Been Tagged!
I have been officially tagged! Dang it!
I was tagged on a post from Zensekai, the Zen master himself at http://zensekai.wordpress.com.
How dare he?
Supposedly, the way it works is that you have to post five things about yourself. Four are untrue. One is true. All are so outlandish, implausible or ridiculous that no one would be inclined to believe that any of them are true. And despite the pleas from your readers, you never divulge which is true and which are fabrications. You then tag five other people (four seriously and one person you are pretty sure would never participate).
Here are my five:
1. I once ate 20 slices of watermelon in one sitting.
2. I killed a small garden snake with my bare hand.
3. I was beaten with a belt so badly once that the belt buckle broke off.
4. I've had four near death experiences all involving drowning.
5. I innocently stole a ball from a store when I was five years old.
The five lucky victims who are hereby tagged are: Janie Felan, Bonnie Manchester, Rose Mary Mejivar, Anita Reesman, and (can I have drum roll?) Berna Riojas!
Have fun ladies! You have been tagged!
I was tagged on a post from Zensekai, the Zen master himself at http://zensekai.wordpress.com.
How dare he?
Supposedly, the way it works is that you have to post five things about yourself. Four are untrue. One is true. All are so outlandish, implausible or ridiculous that no one would be inclined to believe that any of them are true. And despite the pleas from your readers, you never divulge which is true and which are fabrications. You then tag five other people (four seriously and one person you are pretty sure would never participate).
Here are my five:
1. I once ate 20 slices of watermelon in one sitting.
2. I killed a small garden snake with my bare hand.
3. I was beaten with a belt so badly once that the belt buckle broke off.
4. I've had four near death experiences all involving drowning.
5. I innocently stole a ball from a store when I was five years old.
The five lucky victims who are hereby tagged are: Janie Felan, Bonnie Manchester, Rose Mary Mejivar, Anita Reesman, and (can I have drum roll?) Berna Riojas!
Have fun ladies! You have been tagged!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Where Do Our Loved One's Go?
Have you ever wondered where people really do go when they die?
My very dear friend called me yesterday, upset, and heart-broken as she was missing her mother who passed away three years ago.
Apparently, my friend had made a simple meal that reminded her of her dear mother that triggered a fond memory of her mom. That precious memory as small as it was, took my friend back and she called me, just barely able to speak.
I am so grateful that my friend deems me worthy of such a call and yet, I was and am always at a lost for words. My heart goes out to her. And to her family.
What do you say?
Somehow, "Well at least she is not suffering any more," does not suffice. Nothing I can say will or can make it better. Not when the person who is really suffering is my friend who just wants her mom back.
Even though it has been three years since her passing, the loss is still so painful and so raw. Like a wound that just won't heal.
Time is supposed to heal, but does it?
Maybe the loss just becomes somewhat more manageable. And yet, my friend tells me she feels closer to her mom than ever. She shares that she can feel her mother's presence with her all the time.
So where do our loved one's go?
Are they really in heaven? Heaven sounds and seems so far away. And yet every thing we 'hear' about heaven is wonderful.
Wonderful for whom? Certainly not for those who have experienced the loss.
I wonder...is it possible that heaven is just another dimension?
A dimension that is not visible to the naked eye?
And my friend's mother really is in heaven, but heaven is actually right here with us. And what my friend feels is her mother's love right there present with her and her mother's love is reaching out to her to let her know how much she is loved.
I really need to believe that because I do not and cannot believe that a loving God would or could have the heart to separate us from those we love so much.
I know how dear and precious my children are to me and I hate being separated from them.
Is it possible that the Creator who created you and me in His image possesses the same, if not even more, love for His creation and understands how death impacts His own creation?
Once again, I need to believe that as well.
I come from the school that nothing can separate us from our loved one's. Not even death. And what seems like separation really isn't.
Maybe, just maybe our dear loved one's who have passed are more accessible than we are aware of and all we have to do is just speak to them and let them know how much they are missed. Maybe even though they are not here physically, they can still hear us. And they too are speaking to us in our hearts.
Where do our loved one's go? Perhaps their bodies have transformed, but their love endures forever.
And it is that love, their love, that is still here with us. To uphold us. To comfort us. To love us. Especially when we need them most.
Dedicated to the Maldonaldo Family in Loving Memory of their Beloved Criselda 'Chita' Maldonado.
My very dear friend called me yesterday, upset, and heart-broken as she was missing her mother who passed away three years ago.
Apparently, my friend had made a simple meal that reminded her of her dear mother that triggered a fond memory of her mom. That precious memory as small as it was, took my friend back and she called me, just barely able to speak.
I am so grateful that my friend deems me worthy of such a call and yet, I was and am always at a lost for words. My heart goes out to her. And to her family.
What do you say?
Somehow, "Well at least she is not suffering any more," does not suffice. Nothing I can say will or can make it better. Not when the person who is really suffering is my friend who just wants her mom back.
Even though it has been three years since her passing, the loss is still so painful and so raw. Like a wound that just won't heal.
Time is supposed to heal, but does it?
Maybe the loss just becomes somewhat more manageable. And yet, my friend tells me she feels closer to her mom than ever. She shares that she can feel her mother's presence with her all the time.
So where do our loved one's go?
Are they really in heaven? Heaven sounds and seems so far away. And yet every thing we 'hear' about heaven is wonderful.
Wonderful for whom? Certainly not for those who have experienced the loss.
I wonder...is it possible that heaven is just another dimension?
A dimension that is not visible to the naked eye?
And my friend's mother really is in heaven, but heaven is actually right here with us. And what my friend feels is her mother's love right there present with her and her mother's love is reaching out to her to let her know how much she is loved.
I really need to believe that because I do not and cannot believe that a loving God would or could have the heart to separate us from those we love so much.
I know how dear and precious my children are to me and I hate being separated from them.
Is it possible that the Creator who created you and me in His image possesses the same, if not even more, love for His creation and understands how death impacts His own creation?
Once again, I need to believe that as well.
I come from the school that nothing can separate us from our loved one's. Not even death. And what seems like separation really isn't.
Maybe, just maybe our dear loved one's who have passed are more accessible than we are aware of and all we have to do is just speak to them and let them know how much they are missed. Maybe even though they are not here physically, they can still hear us. And they too are speaking to us in our hearts.
Where do our loved one's go? Perhaps their bodies have transformed, but their love endures forever.
And it is that love, their love, that is still here with us. To uphold us. To comfort us. To love us. Especially when we need them most.
Dedicated to the Maldonaldo Family in Loving Memory of their Beloved Criselda 'Chita' Maldonado.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
True Story
So I'm attending a film festival in Hollywood at a very prestigous hotel yesterday and I'm waiting for two other producers to show up.
We have all agreed to meet at the entrance of the establishment so that we can all go in together, right?
Well, it occurs to me that there might be another entrance so I walk around and sure enough, I see another door leading into the hotel.
So I walk over the the doorway and am wondering why the sliding doors are not opening for me. I begin to sway and then bounce a couple of times and nothing happens. I do this again to no avail.
A young woman walks up behind me and pushes the door open and says, "Lady, you have to push it".
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saying Goodbye To Michael Jackson
When I first heard that Michael Jackson had passed away, my first response was shock. As the day progressed, I still could not digest it.
The thought actually crossed my mind, "Maybe this is just a publicity stunt" and on some level I really wanted to believe that.
How could the little boy from Gary, Indiana who touched our hearts with his amazing voice and incredible dancing, be dead?
I was one of those little girls who crushed on Michael like many back in the day. I went to a mostly white school and I did not see many minorities. There was not one black student in my elementary school and only a handful of latinos.
So, when MJ came on the scene in our homes on television in my early elementary days, I was forever changed, touched, and impacted.
A. He was a cute little brother. (I loved the fro!)
B. He could sing.
C. He could dance.
D. And he came from a big family too.
Well, hell yeah, I could relate. On the big family part (only).
And his music. Wow. Even as a little girl, his music made me cry. It still makes me cry til this day.
I think that I like many grew up with Michael Jackson. I can still remember the 'red light' parties in the '70's when we would play all the Jackson 5 music and 'try' to dance like him. And of course none of us could, but we sure had a wonderful time trying.
Hey, I may have gone to an all white school, but in the neighborhood I grew up in, and the few people of color there were, we would search each other out and hang out and let our hair down together. (We didn't know it was called the down-low back then.)
Those were the days!
Hey, it wasn't only the latinos and blacks who loved Michael, I knew a few 'blancos' who also loved Michael. And it was Michael and his music that brought us all together.
Saying good bye to him is like losing a member of our family. I am forever grateful for his talent and the hope he gave to all of us black, white, latino, asian...the many people all over the world.
So Michael, as far as this fan is concerned, I really Never Can Say Goodbye.
Chorus:
Never can say goodbye
No no no no, I
Never can say goodbye
Even though the pain and heartache
Seems to follow me wherever I go
Though I try and try to hide my feelings
They always seem to show
Then you try to say you're leaving me
And I always have to say no...
Tell me why
Is it so
That I
Never can say goodbye
No no no no, I
Never can say goodbye
Everytime I think I had enough
I start heading for the door
There's a very strange vibration
That pierces me right to the core
It says turn around you fool
You know you love her more and more
Tell me why
Is it so
Don't wanna let yo go
(Instrumental)
(Chorus)
I keep thinkin that our problems
Soon are all gonna work out
But there's that same unhappy feeling and there's that anguish, there's that doubt
*It's that same old dizzy hang up
*Can't live with you or without
Tell me why
Is it so
Don't wanna let you go
(Chorus)
(Repeat till fade)
Monday, June 1, 2009
A Must Read!
I cannot believe this is happening here in Burbank in my own back yard. Below is a blog written by my husband, Earnest.
To think that he at one time considered working for the Burbank Police Department.
Shame on our police department if this is true. Let's bring the FED's in and fix this mess now.
_____________________________________________
Are Police Officers More Racist Than the General Population?
_____________________________________________
I read an article this week in the local paper here in Burbank about a major discrimination lawsuit against the Burbank Police Department being filed this week. The lawsuit is being brought by about five officers, three Hispanics, two males and one female, as well as an Armenian man and I believe one Black man. They allege that over the years they have been subject to numerous cases of ugly racial statements, discrimination, retaliation and general mistreatment. I don’t even want to repeat some of the stupid things that were supposedly said to them and that they had to listen to. Just suffice it to say that they were often the typical slurs and ethnic innuendos. If what they are saying is true, and frankly it is hard to imagine five people deciding to come forward with this kind of lawsuit if they weren’t sure of their case considering how hard it would be for them to keep their jobs otherwise, that I believe it must be true.
One of my initial thoughts upon reading this, is wow, can this be in my town, Burbank, in California? But it is a reminder that racism doesn’t stop at the borders of certain cities and towns. Look at the cops in New York City that viciously beat up that black man a few years ago, think about Rodney King and Mark Furman. So little Burbank is not immune and I should not be surprised.
My second thoughts were what is up with cops? Is there a certain breed of person that chooses to be a cop? Does it attract bullies and small minded people? I don’t think that is true overall, because I have met some really cool police officers and I do believe what these people do on a daily basis for all of us is indeed heroic and remarkable. But somehow these incidents happen, from one side of the country to the other and in police departments large and small. For the most part I’m going to stand by the belief that police departments only reflect the larger society. That a small percentage of them are racists, reflective of the society at large. But equally so, many are fine people.
But there is no getting around the fact that it is incredibly scary to think that in the case of a racist police officer, they are licensed to carry a gun and can legally mess with you whenever they feel like it. It is not harmless bigotry. So if the facts of this lawsuit are true, I hope the Burbank Police Department is made to pay a high price and as a result forced to make some serious adjustments to the force and in the mindset of its leadership and officers. Only then can all the people feel safe.
To think that he at one time considered working for the Burbank Police Department.
Shame on our police department if this is true. Let's bring the FED's in and fix this mess now.
_____________________________________________
Are Police Officers More Racist Than the General Population?
_____________________________________________
I read an article this week in the local paper here in Burbank about a major discrimination lawsuit against the Burbank Police Department being filed this week. The lawsuit is being brought by about five officers, three Hispanics, two males and one female, as well as an Armenian man and I believe one Black man. They allege that over the years they have been subject to numerous cases of ugly racial statements, discrimination, retaliation and general mistreatment. I don’t even want to repeat some of the stupid things that were supposedly said to them and that they had to listen to. Just suffice it to say that they were often the typical slurs and ethnic innuendos. If what they are saying is true, and frankly it is hard to imagine five people deciding to come forward with this kind of lawsuit if they weren’t sure of their case considering how hard it would be for them to keep their jobs otherwise, that I believe it must be true.
One of my initial thoughts upon reading this, is wow, can this be in my town, Burbank, in California? But it is a reminder that racism doesn’t stop at the borders of certain cities and towns. Look at the cops in New York City that viciously beat up that black man a few years ago, think about Rodney King and Mark Furman. So little Burbank is not immune and I should not be surprised.
My second thoughts were what is up with cops? Is there a certain breed of person that chooses to be a cop? Does it attract bullies and small minded people? I don’t think that is true overall, because I have met some really cool police officers and I do believe what these people do on a daily basis for all of us is indeed heroic and remarkable. But somehow these incidents happen, from one side of the country to the other and in police departments large and small. For the most part I’m going to stand by the belief that police departments only reflect the larger society. That a small percentage of them are racists, reflective of the society at large. But equally so, many are fine people.
But there is no getting around the fact that it is incredibly scary to think that in the case of a racist police officer, they are licensed to carry a gun and can legally mess with you whenever they feel like it. It is not harmless bigotry. So if the facts of this lawsuit are true, I hope the Burbank Police Department is made to pay a high price and as a result forced to make some serious adjustments to the force and in the mindset of its leadership and officers. Only then can all the people feel safe.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I'm Buddhist And Proud Of It!!
Today I am officially freeing myself. Actually, I was free all along, but I was not walking and living it. I was afraid to step out and be honest about who I really am.
Because if I was totally honest, I might be setting myself up to have to defend my own personal beliefs.
What? Is that crazy? Defend them to who?
It's stupid. That's what it is!
What I found myself doing was always appending to my proclamation of being a Buddhist practioner, that I was Christian raised (a believer), but for the last fifteen years, have also been a student of the Buddha.
Huh?
Why did I feel for the need to add or explain? And what does that all mean?
More importantly, who cares?!
And yet, I did it. Because who the hell has ever heard of a Mexican-Amercian Buddhist? "Aren't all Mexicans Catholic anyway?" was what I was afraid I would be asked.
Once again, who cares?
Was it my fear of being Mexican-American? No. Not Catholic? No. Or that I didn't perceive myself as being normal? Maybe.
And what the hell is normal anyway?
I certainly don't know!
Or was I just afraid I would not be accepted? Or possibly even judged?
Huh? Who's judging? Maybe...self?
If anyone else came to me and shared that they had these same thoughts, I would look at them and ask, "Why does it matter if you are Buddhist, Catholic, or whatever?"
I would encourage them to be their own person.
So, today, this stupid stuff ends. And it ends with me.
Being Buddhist has made me I believe a better mother, wife, friend, and yes, person.
Who cares what anyone thinks?
I am certain that no one was sitting around and wondering, "What is Dianna? Catholic? Muslim? Buddhist?"
No one other than my own ego. My own idea of self kept me prisoner. A prisoner in my mind only. Time to let go of this silly attachment and the suffering it has caused!
Get behind me Dianna (ego)!
I am one happy Buddhist! I am freeeeeeeeeeeee!
Because if I was totally honest, I might be setting myself up to have to defend my own personal beliefs.
What? Is that crazy? Defend them to who?
It's stupid. That's what it is!
What I found myself doing was always appending to my proclamation of being a Buddhist practioner, that I was Christian raised (a believer), but for the last fifteen years, have also been a student of the Buddha.
Huh?
Why did I feel for the need to add or explain? And what does that all mean?
More importantly, who cares?!
And yet, I did it. Because who the hell has ever heard of a Mexican-Amercian Buddhist? "Aren't all Mexicans Catholic anyway?" was what I was afraid I would be asked.
Once again, who cares?
Was it my fear of being Mexican-American? No. Not Catholic? No. Or that I didn't perceive myself as being normal? Maybe.
And what the hell is normal anyway?
I certainly don't know!
Or was I just afraid I would not be accepted? Or possibly even judged?
Huh? Who's judging? Maybe...self?
If anyone else came to me and shared that they had these same thoughts, I would look at them and ask, "Why does it matter if you are Buddhist, Catholic, or whatever?"
I would encourage them to be their own person.
So, today, this stupid stuff ends. And it ends with me.
Being Buddhist has made me I believe a better mother, wife, friend, and yes, person.
Who cares what anyone thinks?
I am certain that no one was sitting around and wondering, "What is Dianna? Catholic? Muslim? Buddhist?"
No one other than my own ego. My own idea of self kept me prisoner. A prisoner in my mind only. Time to let go of this silly attachment and the suffering it has caused!
Get behind me Dianna (ego)!
I am one happy Buddhist! I am freeeeeeeeeeeee!
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