Today I am officially freeing myself. Actually, I was free all along, but I was not walking and living it. I was afraid to step out and be honest about who I really am.
Because if I was totally honest, I might be setting myself up to have to defend my own personal beliefs.
What? Is that crazy? Defend them to who?
It's stupid. That's what it is!
What I found myself doing was always appending to my proclamation of being a Buddhist practioner, that I was Christian raised (a believer), but for the last fifteen years, have also been a student of the Buddha.
Huh?
Why did I feel for the need to add or explain? And what does that all mean?
More importantly, who cares?!
And yet, I did it. Because who the hell has ever heard of a Mexican-Amercian Buddhist? "Aren't all Mexicans Catholic anyway?" was what I was afraid I would be asked.
Once again, who cares?
Was it my fear of being Mexican-American? No. Not Catholic? No. Or that I didn't perceive myself as being normal? Maybe.
And what the hell is normal anyway?
I certainly don't know!
Or was I just afraid I would not be accepted? Or possibly even judged?
Huh? Who's judging? Maybe...self?
If anyone else came to me and shared that they had these same thoughts, I would look at them and ask, "Why does it matter if you are Buddhist, Catholic, or whatever?"
I would encourage them to be their own person.
So, today, this stupid stuff ends. And it ends with me.
Being Buddhist has made me I believe a better mother, wife, friend, and yes, person.
Who cares what anyone thinks?
I am certain that no one was sitting around and wondering, "What is Dianna? Catholic? Muslim? Buddhist?"
No one other than my own ego. My own idea of self kept me prisoner. A prisoner in my mind only. Time to let go of this silly attachment and the suffering it has caused!
Get behind me Dianna (ego)!
I am one happy Buddhist! I am freeeeeeeeeeeee!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
WOW!, I was just sitting around the other day, thinking about how you could kill us both driving on the twists and turns of Griffin Park speeding in that Z. When it came to me, Hmmmm I wonder what un-zen like label is D in her spiritual beliefs? Hmmm She is Mexican-American, why not Catholic? Hmmmm. I could not sleep, I could not eat, I could not focus on my meditation. Now it is resolved, Yokatta( how lucky)! Allah be er, ah , Gracias Dios, er, Buddha be praised, yeah thats it. Congrats :-) Seriously it is big step, I have yet to drop the hyphen, though my mind knows it is just a label, a word. Zen is beyond words, "a Rose by any other name" thing. Part of me (in my mind, because no one cares other than my mother) keeps it, the hyphen as a statement that it does not matter what label one uses, and it is about what is in your heart. All things of God /the Great Spirit/The Force/Tao are one, labels are stuff we use to seperate. Still I'm just starting to walk, where you my friend are starting to run. Hallaluyah, er Amitofu or something like that :-)
_/|\_
Bout time crazy lady. I've been telling you since I met you that you were Buddhist by nature. It took the Dalai Lama to set you straight. :0
My dear friend Zen. I am so glad that I have you, Earnest and so many other people in my life who keep me grounded.
Post a Comment