An Open Letter To All Filmmakers: Keep Making Your Movies

Yesterday I attended the Boyle Heights Latina Independent Film Extravaganza and was really impressed with the short films, documentaries, and feature films that were being screened.

It was a reminder to me of just how much we Latina filmmakers have to say about our life experiences. I walked away both challenged and inspired to keep telling our stories.

What also touched me deeply was the passion in each filmmaker's voice during the Q&A and hearing their responses.

Indeed, some of the topics were heavy which made for great conversation with the filmmakers. I applauded them for the bravery and determination and asked if on any level they were worried they would take heat for making a short/movie about homosexuality, inter-ethnic relationships, infidelity, the whole identity issue on Spanish speaking Hispanics vs. those who cannot speak Spanish and does that make them less Hispanic, and AIDS in the Hispanic community.

I was thrilled to hear their answer, "This IS our life and WE all deal with these issues, not just Hispanics. These are universal issues and we need to stop sweeping them under the carpet and pretending that they don't exist!"

I could not agree more. So to ALL filmmakers out there - keep making your movies!

Buddhistian - A New Religion?

This evening my husband and I had a very interesting conversation with our eleven year old daughter, Maria.

Apparently she is trying to come to terms with what she should call herself from a religious perspective. She is not sure if she, when asked, should say she is a Christian or say that she is Buddhist. She is thinking of calling herself a "Buddhistian". A term she coined all on her own.

Both my husband and I posed the question to Maria, "Why do you feel the need to call yourself anything?"

It seems a couple of the kids at her school are vocal about their religious beliefs and she is just uncertain what to say when confronted. She actually overheard a student telling another student that you have to believe in God and if you don't, your are going to the H-word.

"At the end of the day," we told her, "You still have plenty of time to work through who YOU will decide 'what' you want to call yourself. If you even decide to do that at all!"

We warned her that words and titles can trap us if we are not careful and explained how.

More importantly we shared with her that she should not let anyone force her to make a decision nor should she be ashamed to say what she believes. But to make sure they are her beliefs, not ours.

Both me and my husband were raised in Christian homes and are now practicing Buddhists. We truly understand what Maria is going through and we saw this as a teaching moment for all of us.

We also conveyed to Maria, that even though we are practicing Buddhists, we did not stop being Christians. Nor have we stopped learning about other religions, for they all have many great qualities. (For me personally, Buddhism and Christianity compliment each other. I can say quite honestly, that I understand the teachings of Jesus much better through the lens of Buddhism. And Christianity has taught me just how compassionate Jesus was and is and continues to be in my life).

In the end, we are very happy that Maria is working through this and we want her to enjoy the journey she is on. We all have our own spiritual paths, but for us personally we made it clear to her that our true religion is Compassion.

For us, it matters not what you call yourself but how you carry yourself and how you treat others. What good is it to call yourself a Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, and not conduct yourself as one?

The real measure of who you are, we explained to her, is deciding what kind of a person you want to be not based on a religion, but rather on whether you can decipher between right and wrong and behaving accordingly.

Did she get it? We think she did. We look forward to many more discussions like these with both of our children.

As for our twelve year old son, Lawrence, well he's definitely Buddhist! We go to him when we get stumped for our dharma teachings!

You Know You Are Getting Old When...

You know you are getting old when your 11 year old child dumps all of their Halloween candy on the floor to be inspected and asks, "Mom, which of these candies were around when you were a kid?"

Snickers - check
M&M's Plain - check
M&M's w/Peanuts - check
Three Musketeers - check
Butterfinger - check
Baby Ruth - check
Smarties - check
Tootsie Rolls - check
Nestle's Crunch Bar - Check

As you look through all the candy, your answer is, "All of them."

And their response is, "Wow, these candy companies have been around a really LONG time, haven't they?"

Feeling Exceedingly Grateful

Last week was probably one of the most challenging weeks I've ever experienced. And as crazy it was, surprisingly, I am feeling grateful. Grateful that it's over!

The week was packed with back-to-back meetings and much to do on the home front and that is not so unusual. We are all dealing with trying to juggle work, family and social calendars. Midweek, I was one of a few producers on a huge event in the film industry. An event we have been planning for several months. And as all events go in the entertainment business, there is always so much stress and pressure leading up to the day of the event. Not to mention the immense pressure the day of the event.

We all deal with stress on the job. Whether it be a boss or someone we have to answer to. And others we feel responsible for, knowing that they are looking to up to us and counting on us to step up and lead if need be.

Except for a few snags that night, the event went well. Amazingly, we pulled it off and have received very favorable feedback from some of the attendees.

But, what I am most grateful for from this most recent experience is that I am learning that no matter how much stress and pressure one can be under, that it is in those moments, those opportunities, that we all have a choice. We can choose to allow ourselves to be overcome with worry and negativity OR we can face those stressful moments and say, "No, I'm going to keep my cool. I am going to stay focused. I decide how I should respond when things go awry. I won't let anyone take me where I don't want to go."

It works. It really works.

I have seen it happen before, be it in a business setting or at private event, in front of a crowd of people, where a person will snap, attack, criticize, blame, and just plain go off when things seem like they are falling apart. (Like last week at the event.) They take it out on everyone around them or anyone that they can make their scapegoat and in my opinion, that's taking the easy way out. That's way too easy. And it is these same people who will take ALL the credit when everything turns out well and make no effort to thank those who helped make it so. Sadly, we all know the type.

Well, as a wise old sage once told me, the real measure of a person's character is not how nice or cool people are when things are going well but rather how well do they respond when things aren't going so well.

No, I haven't mastered this level of coolness. I still have my moments. But, I am feeling exceedingly grateful and thankful that life is giving me MANY opportunities to put this teaching into practice. Almost too many.

Another IKEA Story

Today my husband and I went to IKEA to buy ONE thing - a computer chair.

Seems simple enough, does it not? Ha!

We get there and the first obstacle we face is trying to FIND the area where they have the desks and chairs on display. Well, we are lost almost immediately and so I go up to ask a worker very politely where the area is and she gives me THE HAND. That's right, the hand and says in a firm tone, "I'll be with you in a minute." Fair enough, but out of the corner of my eye, I see my husband walking around aimlessly and decide to join in on all the fun he's having. So I just walk off and leave the worker alone.

I figure, "What the hell...we are smart people...we'll find the area!"

So off we go reading signs and looking around corners. In and out of one section, then another and I can smell the cinnamon rolls and we comment on how we are getting hungrier by the minute. We try a section that looks familiar from our last visit, but no luck, just more signs and lots of people who seem to be lost too.

Finally, we find the area and pick out the chair we want right away and then it occurs to us, "So, what do we do now?" (So much for us believing that we are smart people anymore. Now we are really looking just ridiculous!)

Well, we figure out that you are supposed to write down a merchandise number and of course my high techie husband says, "Dianna, I can take a picture of it...modern technology?!" You know the tone, the one that makes you feel like YOU'RE the idiot!

Something inside me tells me to write the number down anyway and sure enough, the reflection on the plastic covering and the light from the camera make the numbers unreadable, but my husband decides, he still wants the shot. He is a director and they have to get the shot!

So off we go to check out and we walk and walk and and we walk some more but, we CAN'T GET OUT!! We walked for what seemed like miles.

As we are walking I mention to my husband that this HAS to be what hell is like. And we both comment on how the store is designed like this on purpose to get people to buy more items on their way to the checkout counter. Well, we tell each other, we are not falling for it.

After several minutes, the hunger was really setting in, the frustration was mounting and we had no idea where we were so we finally asked a sales attendant and sure enough we were going the wrong way.

So, we are just about to get to the checkout line and my husband spots the area rug section. "Oh no!", he says, "I'm falling for the store's trick!" And of course I follow him in there because I see an area rug on sale. Luckily, Earnest checks his handy dandy high tech phone where he has the dimensions notated of the two areas in our home needing rugs, stored on his cell phone and none of the rugs will work, so we manage to escape and get out of there quickly.

We are finally at the checkout counter and Earnest looks around and says, "Where do we get our merchandise? Everyone at the counter has their merchandise. Where did they get theirs?" And of course there are long lines. Many long lines.

So now we are really looking like we have never shopped there and we haven't. So off we go to try and find our merchandise and the light goes off in my teeny tiny brain and I remember, "The numbers I wrote down. There was an aisle number and a section number. Maybe we are supposed to go there to pick it up?"

We both look around. We look up and behold right before us in big bright red, are signs with aisle numbers on them. Even numbers on one side and odd numbers across the way. Can this get any more ridiculous?

Sure enough we find the aisle and the section and on a bottom row, there is our chair all boxed up.

Then Earnest very innocently asks, "Are we just supposed to grab it? That's it? In that little bitty box?"

"I think so," I answered as I checked the numbers I had written.

So we both do this scan. You know the camera shot where the camera does a 360 degree pan and makes one complete revolution and comes back to the starting place. Sure enough, we see other people are pulling items off the shelves and retrieving their merchandise. So we make our move and we rush to the checkout line.

I walk quickly toward one line and Earnest toward another. I try to get him to come over to my checkout lane and he refuses. As I walk back towards him, I notice that he is pointing up at a sign that says, "CHECKS & ATM ONLY". "We're paying cash," he whispers. I can read his body language and by now, he just wants to get out of the store as fast as he can.

As we are nearing the line, I turn to Earnest and by this time, I'm laughing and I say, "No wonder they say in the commercial, START THE CAR!...by the time anyone FINALLY gets out of here, their car batteries are probably dead!"

Hey, but the chair was cheap! And it wasn't even on sale.

Yeah, we will probably shop there again.

'Some' White People Have Simply Lost Their Minds

I am posting a story that ran in the Huffington Post yesterday written by my husband, Earnest Harris.

SOME WHITE PEOPLE HAVE SIMPLY LOST THEIR MINDS

There is no other way to say this but to put it all on the table. Some white people have simply lost their minds because they are besides themselves trying to figure out how in the world they slipped up and let an African-American man in the White House, as President of these not so United States.

While thankfully there are a few whites who have been willing to speak up about what is really bubbling up, or more like, spewing forth lately, people like former President Jimmy Carter, Tim Wise and some other bloggers here on The Huffington Post, most people simply have tiptoed around the huge white elephant in the room. The outrageous incidents, which seem to be increasing in frequency -- Glenn Beck's obvious racial appeals by saying Obama hates white people, Sen. Joe Wilson's unprecedented outburst before the world yelling at the President, the birther's refusal to accept the truth, the almost mob like town hall meetings where some people openly carried signs that were perfect for a Klan rally, Rep. Lynn Jenkins' "White Hope" remark, 'tea party" leader Mark Williams referring to President Obama as "an Indonesian Muslim turned welfare thug and a racist in chief," the uproar over the President of The United States daring to give an inspirational speech to America's school kids -- I could go on but you get the point -- these are nothing more than the ugliest of racism that has simply boiled over the sides of our famed and mythical melting pot.

Right-wing whites have simply reached the point where they cannot take it any more. And the message seems to be that they will say and do whatever it takes to de-legitimize this President. And they seem to be certainly saying "never again." The saddest part about all of this is that it was just a few moths ago that many of us in the multi-ethnic coalition that banded together to usher in the Obama era were celebrating what looked like the start of a new seemingly post racial America. But just nine months later, I have to say I don't think I have seen a time when the bitterness and seeming us against them mentality was more evident. And by "us against them," I mean whites against the flood of people of color that are seeming to challenge the idea of what it means to be America and American. All you had to do was look at the faces of some of the Congressman in the crowd at President Obama's speech to see the venom that was only thinly veiled. It almost matched what we saw and heard from some of the people in the crowds at the recent town hall meetings.

The irony in all this is the challenge the Rep. Wilson's, Glen Beck's, Sean Hannity's and Rush Limbaugh's throw down by trying to intimidate the rest of us by daring us to call out this racism and to call them what they are -- silly men, and some women, who have seen the future and realize that the future is one where white men are not the only ones with a seat at the table anymore. And this scares the hell out of them. So they spew this crap and dare us to stand up to it and speak the truth. But we have to let them know that we will not back down, that we will not go away, that we will indeed call them out, no matter how many times they target a Van Jones, or whoever is next since they can't get to Obama. This country is changing, for the better, whether they like it or not, so they might as well accept it and find something else to do. The Republican Party can only make a fool of itself for so long before it completely implodes. And no attempt to put a Black mouthpiece like Michael Steele in front can disguise the fact that the Party is losing control of itself and some of these formerly disguised racists that pretend they are not anti-Black. No just anti anything from an African-American who dares actually have the gumption to call himself President and dare to do what he promised he would do when the country duly and fairly elected him.

I know President Obama is in a tough place and he can't really call these people out. He has to be "Presidential." But we can speak up. The issue is not health care reform or President Obama being too far left, because we have had people on the left run this country before. And we have had battles over health care, social security and other issues before. What we have never witnessed, at least when it came to the respect afforded our country's leader, whether it was former Presidents George W. Bush, Ronald Reagan or Bill Clinton, is this level of disrespect and overt vitriol directed at a President. All Presidents have had their opponents. But when you think through what has been directed at Obama, and his family for that matter with some of the truly low things that have 'slipped out" of people's mouths, like the South Carolina Republican activist, Rusty DePass, who said an escaped gorilla was probably Michelle Obama's ancestor, there is no denying this is beyond civil disagreement.

But I for one am not going to be intimidated into silence and I will call these racists what they are. I can accept and respect differing viewpoints, but what President Obama, and the rest of us, don't have to accept is racism disguised as patriotism. Let's call it what it is, racism born out of a fear that those darker skinned people have taken over. This is just not the America they expected, at least not so soon.

Just Another Sunday?

So my husband, Earnest, calls an important executive meeting today and informs me that we need to meet to discuss critical issues and matters that will affect the day, and I'm thinking, "Oh great! It's Sunday. What's this all about?", I'm racking my brain trying to figure out, "What could be so crucial?"

I rush to get to the meeting. As I sit down and prepare myself, my mind starts racing and I'm wondering, "What could be so important?"

"Could I have forgotten something?", I'm wondering. "Was I supposed to take care of something that I let slip through the cracks?"

"Oh dear, what could it be?", I'm thinking.

For the life of me, I cannot come up with anything.

So Earnest opens the meeting and with a straight face and not skipping a beat mind you, my husband looks right at me and asks in a very serious tone, "So...what's for dinner?"

"I don't know.", I answer.

"You know what we haven't had?", he asks.

"What?", I ask.

"Burgers.", he replies.

"Burgers?", I ask.

"Yes, Dianna's famous hamburgers.", he states.

"Okay, we'll have burgers.", I respond.

"With french fries?", he asks excitedly.

"Yes!", I answer.

"The crunchy kind?", he asks.

"Yes, the crunchy kind.", I say.

"But not too crunchy for Maria. And burn mine," he replies.

"With ketchup?", he inquires.

"We are out of ketchup, but I can pick some up from the store if you'd like?", I ask.

"With lots of cheese on the burger?, he asks sounding like a kid.

"Yes, lots of cheese!", I reply.

"What kind of cheese?" he wants to know.

"What kind would you like?, I ask impatiently, trying to sound like I'm not.

"What kinds are there?", he asks.

"Ooh que la...", I'm thinking to myself. (Ooh que la is Spanish slang used mostly in the Mexican-American community that means..."I don't believe this!"

"American, cheddar, pepper jack...", I start naming off.

"Pepper jack!", he exclaims excitedly.

"Is that the kind that's spicy?, he interrupts and asks before I can reply.

"Ooh yes...put a lot of that on my burger!", he continues not allowing me to get in a word edgewise.

"Hunk it!", he exclaims raising his voice. (Hunk is another word for load it up.)

"And make my burger thick!", he demands before I can respond.

"And burn it!", he adds.

Then a moment of silence passed and we both looked at each other awkwardly.

"Is that it?", I ask hesitantly. Uncertain if I should. Not really wanting to open THAT door.

"Yes.", he answers.

Meeting adjourned.

An Open Letter To Rep. Joe Wilson: It Was Just Plain Wrong!

I really have to ask.

What in world has happened to our nation when a person, an elected official, no longer respects the Office of the Presidency?

Some may not like our current President, but last night's heckling by Representative Joe Wilson during the President's speech was just so wrong! On so many levels.

Mr. Wilson, shame on you! Your behavior is unacceptable and you need to be called out.

You have disrespected the President and the highest office in this land, in these United States of America, in public, and on national TV, and for the world to see.

I, Mr. Wilson am appalled! President Obama may have forgiven you for your momentary lapse in judgment, but I Mr. Wilson, am not letting you off the hook that easy. And I hold you accountable for your actions.

If you really love this country, show some real remorse and resign. Give up your seat to someone more worthy and in control of their emotions.

You clearly cannot control yourself and you know no boundaries. You are a loose cannon. A liability. Expendable.

We all Mr. Wilson get upset , frustrated, irritated, and if you can't handle the pressure, then step down before you really lose your mind.

Or is that what really happened last night?

Or could there be something else going on here Mr. Wilson? Something that you fear on such a deep level. You fear it such that it bothers you, torments you, to the degree that you show no respect for authority. Not even for your President.

Is it possible Mr. Wilson that this, our very first bi-racial President and his holding the highest seat in the land and IT IS his being a black/white President, that's driving you nuts and you can't figure out, how in the hell did this happen? How did the American people let this happen?

Well, I think it is. I truly believe that it disturbs you greatly to the point that you have lost your senses because at the root of it, you are a racist Mr. Wilson.

So either come to terms with who you Mr. Wilson or just get the hell out of the way.

Your inability to grasp what is really happening in our country and the progress that we are making towards moving our nation forward makes you a part of the problem. You sir, are bringing our country down. You are an embarrassment. Not someone we want representing our country. You have humiliated yourself, and I don't think you truly get it.

These are trying times for all of us. This is not the time for stupidity. If you do not and cannot respect the President himself, at least respect the position.

You clearly do not Mr. Wilson or you would have never crossed that boundary.

So, go home sir and call it a day. That Mr. Wilson, is the only way to save face - maybe.

Oh, and by the way, no one will miss you. They'll talk about you. Make an example of you. Point at you behind your back and say, "There's that idiot who lost his mind!"

But, no one sir, will miss you.

What FEAR Really Stands For

Last week, I came across the true meaning of what the word FEAR really stands for.

Finding Excuses And Reasons.

How liberating!

At first, I felt a little defensive and when I came to terms with my own fear(s), I realized, that I have been the Queen of Excuses and Reasons. It occurred to me how good I had gotten at it and rationalizing my excuses and reasons.

Wow...

In the end, the only thing that keeps any of us from going after our dreams, goals, desires and so on is FEAR.

Be it fear of success or failure, if we are not truly following our bliss, it is probably because we are making up excuses or reasons for not doing so.

Well, I'm taking the plunge and not letting myself off the hook. No more excuses for taking my sweet time to build my empire (Marlo Entertainment). The only that stands in my way is me.

Get behind me, ME!

What about you?

What have you been called to do?

What is your true purpose?

What excuses and reasons are you coming up with for not living and walking in your full God given potential?

Once you have identified them and see them for what they truly are, let them go.

No more excuses. No more reasons.

And you too will see, no more fear.

I've Been Tagged!

I have been officially tagged! Dang it!

I was tagged on a post from Zensekai, the Zen master himself at http://zensekai.wordpress.com.

How dare he?

Supposedly, the way it works is that you have to post five things about yourself. Four are untrue. One is true. All are so outlandish, implausible or ridiculous that no one would be inclined to believe that any of them are true. And despite the pleas from your readers, you never divulge which is true and which are fabrications. You then tag five other people (four seriously and one person you are pretty sure would never participate).

Here are my five:

1. I once ate 20 slices of watermelon in one sitting.
2. I killed a small garden snake with my bare hand.
3. I was beaten with a belt so badly once that the belt buckle broke off.
4. I've had four near death experiences all involving drowning.
5. I innocently stole a ball from a store when I was five years old.

The five lucky victims who are hereby tagged are: Janie Felan, Bonnie Manchester, Rose Mary Mejivar, Anita Reesman, and (can I have drum roll?) Berna Riojas!

Have fun ladies! You have been tagged!

Where Do Our Loved One's Go?

Have you ever wondered where people really do go when they die?

My very dear friend called me yesterday, upset, and heart-broken as she was missing her mother who passed away three years ago.

Apparently, my friend had made a simple meal that reminded her of her dear mother that triggered a fond memory of her mom. That precious memory as small as it was, took my friend back and she called me, just barely able to speak.

I am so grateful that my friend deems me worthy of such a call and yet, I was and am always at a lost for words. My heart goes out to her. And to her family.

What do you say?

Somehow, "Well at least she is not suffering any more," does not suffice. Nothing I can say will or can make it better. Not when the person who is really suffering is my friend who just wants her mom back.

Even though it has been three years since her passing, the loss is still so painful and so raw. Like a wound that just won't heal.

Time is supposed to heal, but does it?

Maybe the loss just becomes somewhat more manageable. And yet, my friend tells me she feels closer to her mom than ever. She shares that she can feel her mother's presence with her all the time.

So where do our loved one's go?

Are they really in heaven? Heaven sounds and seems so far away. And yet every thing we 'hear' about heaven is wonderful.

Wonderful for whom? Certainly not for those who have experienced the loss.

I wonder...is it possible that heaven is just another dimension?

A dimension that is not visible to the naked eye?

And my friend's mother really is in heaven, but heaven is actually right here with us. And what my friend feels is her mother's love right there present with her and her mother's love is reaching out to her to let her know how much she is loved.

I really need to believe that because I do not and cannot believe that a loving God would or could have the heart to separate us from those we love so much.

I know how dear and precious my children are to me and I hate being separated from them.

Is it possible that the Creator who created you and me in His image possesses the same, if not even more, love for His creation and understands how death impacts His own creation?

Once again, I need to believe that as well.

I come from the school that nothing can separate us from our loved one's. Not even death. And what seems like separation really isn't.

Maybe, just maybe our dear loved one's who have passed are more accessible than we are aware of and all we have to do is just speak to them and let them know how much they are missed. Maybe even though they are not here physically, they can still hear us. And they too are speaking to us in our hearts.

Where do our loved one's go? Perhaps their bodies have transformed, but their love endures forever.

And it is that love, their love, that is still here with us. To uphold us. To comfort us. To love us. Especially when we need them most.

Dedicated to the Maldonaldo Family in Loving Memory of their Beloved Criselda 'Chita' Maldonado.

True Story

So I'm attending a film festival in Hollywood at a very prestigous hotel yesterday and I'm waiting for two other producers to show up.

We have all agreed to meet at the entrance of the establishment so that we can all go in together, right?

Well, it occurs to me that there might be another entrance so I walk around and sure enough, I see another door leading into the hotel.

So I walk over the the doorway and am wondering why the sliding doors are not opening for me. I begin to sway and then bounce a couple of times and nothing happens. I do this again to no avail.

A young woman walks up behind me and pushes the door open and says, "Lady, you have to push it".

Saying Goodbye To Michael Jackson

When I first heard that Michael Jackson had passed away, my first response was shock. As the day progressed, I still could not digest it.

The thought actually crossed my mind, "Maybe this is just a publicity stunt" and on some level I really wanted to believe that.

How could the little boy from Gary, Indiana who touched our hearts with his amazing voice and incredible dancing, be dead?

I was one of those little girls who crushed on Michael like many back in the day. I went to a mostly white school and I did not see many minorities. There was not one black student in my elementary school and only a handful of latinos.

So, when MJ came on the scene in our homes on television in my early elementary days, I was forever changed, touched, and impacted.

A. He was a cute little brother. (I loved the fro!)
B. He could sing.
C. He could dance.
D. And he came from a big family too.

Well, hell yeah, I could relate. On the big family part (only).

And his music. Wow. Even as a little girl, his music made me cry. It still makes me cry til this day.

I think that I like many grew up with Michael Jackson. I can still remember the 'red light' parties in the '70's when we would play all the Jackson 5 music and 'try' to dance like him. And of course none of us could, but we sure had a wonderful time trying.

Hey, I may have gone to an all white school, but in the neighborhood I grew up in, and the few people of color there were, we would search each other out and hang out and let our hair down together. (We didn't know it was called the down-low back then.)

Those were the days!

Hey, it wasn't only the latinos and blacks who loved Michael, I knew a few 'blancos' who also loved Michael. And it was Michael and his music that brought us all together.

Saying good bye to him is like losing a member of our family. I am forever grateful for his talent and the hope he gave to all of us black, white, latino, asian...the many people all over the world.

So Michael, as far as this fan is concerned, I really Never Can Say Goodbye.

Chorus:
Never can say goodbye
No no no no, I
Never can say goodbye

Even though the pain and heartache
Seems to follow me wherever I go
Though I try and try to hide my feelings
They always seem to show
Then you try to say you're leaving me
And I always have to say no...

Tell me why
Is it so

That I
Never can say goodbye
No no no no, I
Never can say goodbye

Everytime I think I had enough
I start heading for the door
There's a very strange vibration
That pierces me right to the core
It says turn around you fool
You know you love her more and more

Tell me why
Is it so
Don't wanna let yo go

(Instrumental)

(Chorus)

I keep thinkin that our problems
Soon are all gonna work out
But there's that same unhappy feeling and there's that anguish, there's that doubt
*It's that same old dizzy hang up
*Can't live with you or without

Tell me why
Is it so
Don't wanna let you go

(Chorus)

(Repeat till fade)

A Must Read!

I cannot believe this is happening here in Burbank in my own back yard. Below is a blog written by my husband, Earnest.

To think that he at one time considered working for the Burbank Police Department.

Shame on our police department if this is true. Let's bring the FED's in and fix this mess now.
_____________________________________________
Are Police Officers More Racist Than the General Population?
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I read an article this week in the local paper here in Burbank about a major discrimination lawsuit against the Burbank Police Department being filed this week. The lawsuit is being brought by about five officers, three Hispanics, two males and one female, as well as an Armenian man and I believe one Black man. They allege that over the years they have been subject to numerous cases of ugly racial statements, discrimination, retaliation and general mistreatment. I don’t even want to repeat some of the stupid things that were supposedly said to them and that they had to listen to. Just suffice it to say that they were often the typical slurs and ethnic innuendos. If what they are saying is true, and frankly it is hard to imagine five people deciding to come forward with this kind of lawsuit if they weren’t sure of their case considering how hard it would be for them to keep their jobs otherwise, that I believe it must be true.

One of my initial thoughts upon reading this, is wow, can this be in my town, Burbank, in California? But it is a reminder that racism doesn’t stop at the borders of certain cities and towns. Look at the cops in New York City that viciously beat up that black man a few years ago, think about Rodney King and Mark Furman. So little Burbank is not immune and I should not be surprised.

My second thoughts were what is up with cops? Is there a certain breed of person that chooses to be a cop? Does it attract bullies and small minded people? I don’t think that is true overall, because I have met some really cool police officers and I do believe what these people do on a daily basis for all of us is indeed heroic and remarkable. But somehow these incidents happen, from one side of the country to the other and in police departments large and small. For the most part I’m going to stand by the belief that police departments only reflect the larger society. That a small percentage of them are racists, reflective of the society at large. But equally so, many are fine people.

But there is no getting around the fact that it is incredibly scary to think that in the case of a racist police officer, they are licensed to carry a gun and can legally mess with you whenever they feel like it. It is not harmless bigotry. So if the facts of this lawsuit are true, I hope the Burbank Police Department is made to pay a high price and as a result forced to make some serious adjustments to the force and in the mindset of its leadership and officers. Only then can all the people feel safe.

I'm Buddhist And Proud Of It!!

Today I am officially freeing myself. Actually, I was free all along, but I was not walking and living it. I was afraid to step out and be honest about who I really am.

Because if I was totally honest, I might be setting myself up to have to defend my own personal beliefs.

What? Is that crazy? Defend them to who?

It's stupid. That's what it is!

What I found myself doing was always appending to my proclamation of being a Buddhist practioner, that I was Christian raised (a believer), but for the last fifteen years, have also been a student of the Buddha.

Huh?

Why did I feel for the need to add or explain? And what does that all mean?

More importantly, who cares?!

And yet, I did it. Because who the hell has ever heard of a Mexican-Amercian Buddhist? "Aren't all Mexicans Catholic anyway?" was what I was afraid I would be asked.

Once again, who cares?

Was it my fear of being Mexican-American? No. Not Catholic? No. Or that I didn't perceive myself as being normal? Maybe.

And what the hell is normal anyway?

I certainly don't know!

Or was I just afraid I would not be accepted? Or possibly even judged?


Huh? Who's judging? Maybe...self?

If anyone else came to me and shared that they had these same thoughts, I would look at them and ask, "Why does it matter if you are Buddhist, Catholic, or whatever?"

I would encourage them to be their own person.

So, today, this stupid stuff ends. And it ends with me.

Being Buddhist has made me I believe a better mother, wife, friend, and yes, person.

Who cares what anyone thinks?

I am certain that no one was sitting around and wondering, "What is Dianna? Catholic? Muslim? Buddhist?"

No one other than my own ego. My own idea of self kept me prisoner. A prisoner in my mind only. Time to let go of this silly attachment and the suffering it has caused!

Get behind me Dianna (ego)!

I am one happy Buddhist! I am freeeeeeeeeeeee!

Shameless Plug

Here is a shameless plug for one of the many blogs my husband writes. I am so proud of him and his ability to speak his mind freely. Through him I have learned the power that exists in writing.

www.nomorerace.blogspot.com

Safe To Share

I think it is safe now to share what crazy, zany, and off-the-wall idea my husband had recently. And yes, I went along, so I guess that makes me just as loony.

Earnest signed us up to audition to be on a television show that was casting here locally in LA for couples. We auditioned last week. The name of the show is called "Crash Course" and it is produced by the same people at ABC's show "WipeOut."

The object of the show is for couples to compete against other couples performing car stunts for a BIG cash price. The producers of the show come up with crazy car stunts and the couples take turns attempting to perform the stunts.

Just for the record, I'm not a good driver and I am an awful passenger, especially when I ride shot gun. I drive my husband nuts! (Literally!) The Latina in me comes out and it is nerve wrecking I am told. To his credit, Earnest tunes me out except for those awkward looks he gives me when I flinch or brace myself suddenly while he is driving.

He loves to remind me that he has never had a car accident in the 30 plus years he has been driving. Me, on the other hand, well...

So, we made it to the next round of auditions and then it hit us. Maybe we should wait until the second season of the show so we can find out if this new show makes people look like idiots the way they do on "WipeOut." God knows, we don't need any help in that department. We are entertaining enough without a camera on us!

Needless to say, it was fun auditioning and getting away for a few hours alone with my husband.

I'm just not sure I really want to get in a moving vehicle, attempt a crazy car stunt and lose my wits and start cursing in Spanish in front of millions of people watching just to (possibly) win money.

I'm not that crazy, or am I?

The Real Earnest

When your husband begins a sentence with, "You're not going to like this, but sit down, we need to talk, I have something to tell you," is never a good sign.

In fact, my initial response is to turn and run.

When Earnest said this yesterday, I did my best to stay composed and asked, "What did you do now Earnest?"

At this point I have to cut and go back to the past and remember his vows to me at our wedding ceremony some thirteen years ago.

He promised me many things that day but he made a point to say that my life would never be boring. At the time I thought it odd, but was caught up in the moment. Now, I clearly see what he meant.

I have to go on record that my husband is probably the most unique individual I have ever met. He at times amazes me with his genius mind and there are times he leaves me baffled. He goes from being super serious one moment, spewing out great wisdom, to saying the silliest things, from out-of-nowhere! (I must admit that I cannot keep up with him.)

Sometimes he will just blurt something out that has nothing to do with what is happening at the moment. He's just responding to something we spoke about earlier like remembering a person's name.

To say that I would never be bored is such an understatement!

I never know from one day to the next what will come out of his mouth or what zany idea he has cooking up in his mind.

All I know is that whatever he is up to it will involve me having to do something that leaves me scratching my head or me giving him that blank stare and wondering, "Have you lost your mind?"

In the end, it always turns out for the best, but not until we have gone on some type of adventure be it emotional, mental, spiritual or even physical. I never know.

I'm starting to wonder if he is even human.

He even has energy like no one I have ever met. He can work from 6 a.m. until 12:00 midnight every day (including weekends) and wake up all happy and ready to go at it again. He sings, dances and even thinks he can dance like Beyonce and does a great impression of 'All the Single Ladies'.

How he does it, just blows my mind. I get up at the same time, but by 9:30 p.m. I'm nodding off. Heck, I sometimes have my pajamas on by 6:00 p.m. and he looks at me like I'm boo boo the fool!

So what was it that he had to tell me that I was not going to like? Well, stay tuned. I will know more on Monday of this upcoming week. Let's just say, get ready folks, this will go down as one of the craziest things that Earnest and I have ever done.

I just hope that I live to tell the story.

Social Networking/Media

I'm all for social networking and we have met some wonderful people through our blogs and on Twitter and FaceBook.

But, I have to draw the line somewhere. Recently I informed my husband that dinner was almost ready. I was exactly ten steps away from him standing in the kitchen when I called out to him. He was busy on the computer working in our home office.

His response to me, "Tweet me when it's done!"

No Obstacles, Just Opportunities

I had the nicest compliment the other day from out-of-the-blue. At least it seemed like one. And yet it was a real lesson for me too.

One of my co-workers came up to me and asked very seriously, "How do you do it Dianna?"

At first I was a little thrown off by the question.

"Do what?", I asked.

"What you do", she replied. "You know, whenever someone comes up to you with a problem, you listen to them, and no matter how big or impossible it seems to everyone else, you smile and then you're off and within minutes, you come back with a solution!"

At this point I cracked up.

She looked at me and said, "Seriously Dianna! There are no obstacles for you!"

I laughed so hard I thought I would pee in my pants! But, my co-worker was really being sincere. (So I composed myself immediately) and had to ask, "What are you talking about?"

She then went on to tell me, "I watch you and you make everything look so easy and what is so strange is that here you are this very small woman. You look like a little girl from a distance and I see you talking to people so serious and you make them laugh and I see them nodding their heads in agreement with you and then you come back all happy. Next thing I know. Problem solved!"

"Wow!", I told her, "you give me way too much credit."

She was silent for a moment and then said somewhat sadly, "I would never be able to go ask for help or even think to tell someone that I have a problem."

"Really?", I asked her.

"Dianna, not everyone can do what you do!" she said a little irritated with me.

I apologized and told her that I too have problems and face great obstacles every day. The way I go about solving challenges may be different, but that I'm not special by any means. But, what I have learned is that 'no' sometimes means - find another way.

Sometimes obstacles are really opportunities. And the most important lesson I have learned is that I don't have all the answers, but maybe, just maybe if I share my needs with others, someone, something, some 'way' will present itself. I admitted that I actually rely on the kindness of others in many instances to bail me out of what might seem like impossible situations. But I will never know if my 'problem' or any 'problem' can be solved if I or we don't go look for help. Share the situation. Or even ask for help. Sometimes we just have to 'make' something happen somehow.

In the end, I'm not sure if my co-worker bought what I was saying. She still seemed a little dismayed. But, it was interesting to hear her perspective of me. I don't see it. I feel like I live my life in the land of the Philistines just like everyone else fighting giants all day. It seems like one thing after another. Money issues, car issues, house issues, work issues, business issues, health issues, family issues...we all have problems.

Anybody got a BIG rock?

Doing What I Love

Shame on me! It has almost been a month since I have written on this blog. I'm certain that I am on the verge of losing my one or two readers! If they haven't already given up on me.

I have been busy working on a wonderful project bringing two beautiful cultures together for a short film festival in October. The two cultures being the Palestinians and Israelis. Yeah, pretty cool huh?

I have also been working on my next movie project Pawn Shop. We are doing a lot of marketing and publicity to build the buzz around the movie. But it has been the festival event that has taken up most of my time.

The goal is to pull it off and make sure that it is a cultural event and not a political one. I feel confident that we can and will. We are planning a night of food, dance, music, and films. So much to do, so little time! I love it!

Part of my task it to bring the two communities together.

I had the great honor of going to the Israeli Consulate here in Los Angeles last week and meeting with the Cultural Director. We are hoping that the Consulate will support this project and thus we met with them to give them a break down of how we see the night unfolding.

I am happy to share that they were very supportive.

As you might imagine, the security was very strict and our phones and laptops were confiscated at the door and we were not allowed to take them into the meeting with us. (I must admit that I felt a little naked without my phone). I've gotten so use to having my cell phone on me at all times but hey, I fully understood that I was on Israeli soil and did what I was told.

I couldn't help but wonder if they were x-raying us as well.

The meeting went very well and we were then escorted back to the security area where we were told to wait.

As we (myself and the other producer) entered the room to pick up our belongings, the door shut, and it locked behind us. We looked at each other, tried opening the door, but we were locked in. We, okay I, starting hitting buttons on the wall and knocking on the door. I said something like, "Let my people go!" My producer friend whispered, "Dianna!"

"What?", I replied, "Hey it worked for Moses!", I thought to myself.

Ten plagues later of course.

Luckily we didn't have to wait long.

And maybe it won't take me too long to write again! (Maybe)

Hey, I'm not promising any of that so let it written, so let it be done stuff!

Just know that I'm producing my butt off and I'm doing what I love.

Measuring Success In This Moment

As of late I have had a difficult time feeling like my life is a successful one. There is so much happening around me, some to me, and a lot has nothing to do with me. I just allow myself to get sucked into a place where I feel icky. I either hear something on the news that makes my heart sink or speak with someone who is dealing with something so heavy like a life-threatening emergency and I can't help but look inward at my own suffering.

As a Christian I know that I was never promised a life without suffering. And that God has and will always provide for me. What is that verse? "Many are the afflictions...but the Lord will deliver them..."

As a practicing Buddhist, suffering or dukha as I have come to understand it, is the first noble truth that the Buddha taught. I view it more as dissatisfaction.

It is so easy to focus on what we need (a car), want (more money) and desire (to grow my businesses) and rarely on what we already have (enough).

And when things are not going as I have planned or I spend my days putting out fires, it is a struggle for me to remain focused, single-minded, and completely mindful and yes, full of love, generosity, and compassion.

How Jesus and Buddha did it baffles me!

The other day, I called my best friend in Austin, Texas and we spoke very briefly. I think she picked up almost immediately that I was feeling overwhelmed. When I get like that, my tendency is to bolt. Run. Fast. Anywhere. Just go. The only problem with that is wherever I go, there I am and so are my problems. She calmly suggested that I find a quiet place to be alone with God and just let Him talk to me.

Her words were music to my ears.

A scripture from the Bible came to me. "Be still and know that I am God".

I took her advice and found in the midst of worry, dissatisfaction, and deep concern, a place to 'hide' and be quiet.

And there it was. His voice saying, "The real measurement of success is based on what you have, not what you want, desire or for that matter what you need. It is what you value in your life in this moment Dianna."

Ouch. That was a little uncomfortable.

I don't think that God was dismissing my needs. For I know that He meets all my needs. What He was saying is how is worrying about them going to get them to me any sooner. Enjoy now. Count my blessings in this moment.

How I take 'this moment' for granted. It is the only moment that counts. In this present moment, I have everything I need. I have my health. I have my family. In this moment I am surrounded by much love. Why isn't that enough? Shouldn't it be?

One would think.

Living On The Hill

Recently we moved into our new place here in Burbank aka Burbank Hills. OMG! What a view!

Something that I have noticed about living up here besides the spectacular view is the shift in my mindset.

For quite sometime, the impact of the non-strike hold up by the Screen Actor’s Guild, has really put a lot of us in the industry on hold. And that translates into very little if any income for those of us in the business. It has been scary especially for me as a producer as one of the most important aspects of my job is solidifying funding for all our projects.

My husband Earnest even has a nickname for me – Scrilla (slang for money!)

Well, it’s hard raising money in a good economy. Imagine how tough it is in this economy! I spend my days shaking trees, looking under rocks, pitching ideas, and then going back and shaking the same trees! Kicking more rocks hoping I’ve missed something. Sometimes the desperation can be overwhelming and this can wear a person down. I have even resorted to begging and pleading if that will free up money to keep our business going and people working.

The other night as I was driving back from a Women In Film International meeting in Beverly Hills, I drove through downtown Los Angeles and it struck me as I looked up at the tall buildings and all the busy activity - I live twenty five minutes away from downtown and can see LA’s skyline from my house!

From my backyard, I can look out and see my world from a different perspective now. For way too long I have lived in the valley looking up at the hills and wondering, hoping, and praying, how much longer will we endure such craziness.

Since we moved, it’s like a shift happened. I’m owning this hill top view. We may have been in the valley for a time, but things are changing and so should I.

We (Earnest and I) have worked our asses off (yeah I said it!) to get where we are and I have been walking around feeling defeated and it has affected my attitude, my mindset, and my perspective.

And I hope that I am not sounding arrogant, because there is a part of me that still feels like a Burbank Hillbilly. What I am saying is that my new view has given me a new way of really seeing. Seeing what I’ve been and giving me hope for what I have yet to accomplish. Where you live, I am learning, is more than just a location. It is where you live in your mind that makes all the difference. A nice address and view are just places, but when your mind is right, you see things differently, more clearly. The view from my home may have sparked a change in mindset, but the real difference came only when I looked inside myself to see my own worth, and surprisingly, that worth had little to do with anything more than my own sense of who and what I was.

Happy (Thanksgiving) Valentine's Day!

That's right! Happy Thanksgiving Valentine's Day!

This year the Harris family decided to combine holidays so we celebrated Valentine's Day with a turkey dinner. All that was missing was the cranberry sauce and my famous chocolate pie! I'm thinking I'll run out in a bit, pick up some cranberry sauce and cut the jellied cranberry into little hearts for leftovers this evening for presentation! Ahhh...who said I'm not the romantic type? Oh that was me.

But, I am thankful today as I am every day. Thankful for the the family I have. Thankful for all our friends. Thankful for our home and all our companies. And thankful for the fact that as crazy as the world seems right now with the economy, the jobless rate, and the amount of suffering that we know is happening, that our family is together and we are happy and we haven't stopped laughing.

To be honest I don't know how we do it!

As my 11 year old son put it the other day when he questioned both me and my husband, "Is that all you guys do all day, just crack each other up and laugh all the time?"

Earnest and I looked at each other, thought about it for a second and burst out laughing. "Not ALL day!", we both responded.

The truth is, we do! We have to laugh. Laugh with each other and continue to love each other and be thankful for each other. It seems to me that when things are as tough as they are right now, my practice says, dig in deep. Change will happen. And until it does, keep loving, be thankful and whatever you do, don't stop laughing.

Happy Thanksgiving Valentine's Day!

Our Cali Girl

Today my husband Earnest and I got such a kick out of our 10 year old daughter Maria who is clearly a 'Valley Girl'. Maria was born here in California. Burbank to be exact.

Keep in mind, it's sunny and warm 345 days out of the year where we live.

We have our own seasons here. We have a rainy season, fire season, awards season...

For the last few days, the weather report mentioned rain. Which we very rarely get here in Southern California. Being the responsible parents that we are, we made sure Maria packed an umbrella in her backpack.

Well the weather report was right and it rained all day. When we picked Maria up from school this afternoon, she opened the car door and was suddenly panic stricken as she yelled out, "How do you close this thing?" (Referring to the umbrella.)

She's wrestling with the umbrella while trying to throw the backpack in the car and get in the car all at the same time. And upset because her jeans are soaking wet. She's clearly frustrated and on the verge of freaking out.

Earnest and I both looked at her and were bewildered by her question and strange behavior. Earnest calmly said, "Maria, you're ten years old, you should know how to use an umbrella!"

Then it immediately dawned on us, wait a minute, this is the same child who once asked us very sincerely and genuinely did not know, "What's a coat?"

The Joy of Eating and Sleeping

The other day I was thinking about my happiest moments and asked my husband, Earnest, "Babe, when am I the most happiest?"

He paused for a moment and said' "Oh, that's easy. When you're sleeping!"

I was shocked by his answer and refused to believe it. So he suggested that I ask our kids Lawrence, our 11 year old son and Maria, our 10 year old daughter. He promised that he would not prep them and that he was 100% sure that they would also come up with the same answer.

I turned my nose up at him and told him, "There is no way our kids will ever say that about me."

During the Super Bowl game today, I took a little nap during the second half of the game and when I awoke, Earnest and I both remembered my question about my happiest moments.

So, Earnest being the fair person that he is, asked the children, without leading them in any way, "Kids, when is mom the most happiest?"

Maria, thought about it for a minute and replied, "When you're eating and sleeping."

Lawrence, who couldn't wait to chime in, then put his two cents in and said, "Yeah mom, you're like a baby because you wake up and you eat and then you go back to sleep. And if you don't get your sleep and if the food doesn't taste good, even if you're the one who made it, you get mad!"

Who knew?

Living With Anger

How mad do I need to get for my husband to know that I'm mad? I was mad for two days and my husband had no clue.

Clue #1: I didn't talk much on the ride to and from the Zen Center yesterday.

Clue #2: The cold shoulder treatment and unresponsiveness.

Clue #3: The glaring looks and stares.

Clue #4: Speaking only to him through the children.

Clue #5: Serving him his meals last and cold and only making my favorite dishes.

Clue #6: Only referring to him by Earnest instead of 'Babe' or 'Daddy'.

Clue #7: Not laughing at his jokes (which are very rarely funny).

Clue #8: Purposely not seasoning his food and serving him small portions only.

Clue #9: Taking longer in the bathroom than necessary...really long.

Clue #10: Leaving very little toilet paper on the roll and not changing it!

Clue #11: Pretending like I forgot to wash his draws so he would run out!

This morning, while I was in the kitchen, he came in to mess with me like he usually does. I turned away when he tried to kiss me, and said, "Leave me alone, can't you tell I'm still mad at you?"

Laughingly he replied, "You're mad at me?", "It's hard to tell...you're always mad!"

Greatest Day Ever!

Today was the greatest day ever! Our family spent the whole day down in Leimert Park, here in southern California, at the Annual Kingdom Day Parade in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Unlike the Tournament of Roses Parade, we were able to leave the house at 9:00 a.m. to secure a prime spot and didn't have to camp out over night! The parade started at 10:30 a.m. and usually lasts for two hours, but today it went on for hours. My last count was 240 entries at 2:30 p.m. and the parade had not ended! (The Rose Parade has only 89 entries!)

After the parade we walked over to the plaza and ate up! We had fried catfish, wings, french fries, sweet potatoe pie, snow cones, nachos, cotton candy, hot links, chips and well...let's just say that our family will probably have very bad tummy aches tonight!

What a wonderful feeling of excitement there was in the air. People were dancing, laughing, and just enjoying each other. The 82 degree weather was a treat as well as it was the perfect temperature for a perfect day. (I love LA!)

There were so many people there (of all ethnicities) and most of them were sporting Obama and Dr. King T-shirts. Mostly Obama.

I jokingly mentioned to Earnest, my husband, that I'd love to open a store and sell Obama-bilia! His popularity alone could probably bail us out of our national deficit!

Something was definitely very different about today's parade than others we have attended in previous years. There was a sense of hope and readiness for change. Long awaited change. You could feel it. People were so friendly and just wanted to celebrate. There was a true feeling of unity. A confirmation of a dream fulfilled. And that we should continue to dream and never give up on our dreams.

I'm sure that tomorrow's events of President-Elect Obama's Inauguration was on everyone's mind and it contributed to the excitement of the day.

As I looked out into the crowd and thought of everyone Dr. King touched, I could not help but feel grateful. Grateful to Dr. King and the many who made today's celebration of his dream - a reality.

Thank you Dr. King!

Finding My Center

Where is my center and how do I find it?

For me, it is that very quiet place that is still, tranquil, calm and at peace. Usually while on the cushion in sitting meditation.

And yet, while sitting, there is thought. But I see the thought arising and as I breathe in slowly, the thought slowly fades and I breathe out - calmly. I do not force the thought away, nor do I hold onto it or follow it. I lovingly and gently let it go.

Breathing in...breathing out. There is only the breath. There is no me, no I. Only equinimity. (No duality.)

Ahh...there it is.

Staying here (centered) is the real challenge. Especially off the cushion.

Right Speech

Lately I have been keeping up with my Buddhist friends in the blog community and was inspired to take my practice to a higher level. I shared one of my thoughts about RIGHT SPEECH with my husband (Earnest) and said to him, "Honey, I have decided that one of my goals for this year it to take RIGHT SPEECH more seriously and if I can't say something nice, I just won't say anything at all!"

Without skipping a beat Earnest replied, "This is going to be a very QUIET year for you!"

The Married Life

This morning as Earnest, my adorable and loving husband, were in our car and on the way to our bank, I hinted, "Honey, you haven't said those three little magic words to me yet today".

After a long and quiet pause, Earnest responded hestitantly, "What's...for dinner?"

48 Hours of Anniversary

This year my husband, Earnest and I are entering 13 years of marriage and boy did we celebrate! Yeah baby, my honey took me out for a night on the town - literally! We actually spent the night on Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena awaiting the 120th Tournament of Roses Parade.

We arrived on Colorado at noon on the 31st of January (our Christian wedding date) to stake our claim for a prime spot for the parade. This is a huge event that draws millions of people and every inch of space is literally fought for. Thus the need for law enforement who patrol the area. And their presence is felt and heard all night long! (I can actually imitate the sound of a police siren. Earnest gets a big kick out of this. It's a gift.)

We got there so early that we were interviewed on three television stations. It was our suitcases and all our gear that caught their attention. The television crew found it amusing that we came ALL THE WAY from Burbank with so much stuff! (Burbank is less than ten minutes from Pasadena.)

A side note: The parade does not actually begin until 8:00 am January 1st (our Buddhist wedding date).

From noon to midnight everyone is allowed to put all their belongings on the sidewalk. At midnight (officially New Year's Day), everyone races to put their folded chairs on the street just behind a marked line. But, it is on the 'street'.

So, as one can imagine, it is very hard to sleep. A: It's cold. B: It can be dangerous. C: It's too darn cold (oh, I said that already huh?) and D: It's too noisy to get any rest. Earnest and I slept a total of two hours each - if that much.

Somehow sitting in the cold, I just kept thinking about how I had to go to work right after the parade and Earnest would be going home, kicking back, and watching the USC game on television and that made me mad. I didn't hesitate to let him know that either. So much for my Buddhist practice in that moment. Where was my compassion? (I was hogging it all up on me!)

We were very fortuate to get a great spot right in front of Starbucks, because after midnight, from 1:00 a.m. until 5:00 a.m. (which is the longest part of the night), the hot chocolate sure came in handy!

This is an annual family event for the Harris household and as we sat there in our folded chairs, wrapped in our blankets (shivering), my son commented, "So Mom, you and Dad actually have a 48 hour anniversary".

I had never really thought of it like that! I had always focused on the fact that in order to honor both of our religious beliefs, we held two weddings on two separate days.

So being the woman that I am and looking for another reason to throw a party, I have decided to milk the 48 hour anniversary celebrations and bump it up. The other day I mentioned to Earnest that I would like to renew our vows in both traditions (Christian and Buddhist). He said he would 'think' about it. I'm thinking January 2, 2010 and extending the anniversary to 72 hours! I might even talk him into breaking it up into two days again for both ceremonies (Jan. 2nd and 3rd) and going for 96 hours!!

BUT, I will not choose to 'go out' all 96 hours!

Around 4:00 in the morning as we sat in the cold (freezing our nalgas off), we looked over at our children sleeping (through all the noise) on the air mattress snug and warm and it occurred to us, "We must be idiots! We are choosing to be homeless on a night that is considered the most unsafe of the year, while all our worldly possessions are at home nice and toasty!", "On top of that, we are trying to sleep inches away from the street where people are driving up and down the boulevard, probably drunker than two-day-old skunks!"

We couldn't help but laugh. It was at this point that I decided I would be so kind as to share my gift of making siren sounds. We laughed our (very cold) butts off!

And yet as the morning rolled in and the parade began, we looked at each other and knew without saying a word - it is so worth it and we'll do it again next year!

We really are match made in heaven and truly do deserve each other!

Life With Dianna

I had an Ikea moment the other day. Well almost an Ikea moment. Have you seen the commercial where the lady runs out of Ikea and as she is walking quickly to the car she yells to her husband who is waiting in the car, "Start the car! Start the car!", as if it is some kind of bank heist and they need to get away quickly before the store clerk realizes she undercharged her?

My husband and I were at Ralph's (our local grocer) picking up a few items. Several from the frozen food section. I forgot to grab a small basket at the entrance of the store and the items I had in my hands were very cold. I have no idea why grocery stores are so darn cold. Well actually I do, but that doesn't stop me from mumbling under my breath, "Could somebody please close the refridgerator door!"

Anyway, my hands were freezing so I took off running with all the cold items in my hands towards the entrance to get a small basket. I was hunched over because I was freezing and must have looked like I was running towards a football goal line as I clasped the frozen food under my arm as if I were going in for a touchdown. As I grabbed the basket and I turned back to see if Earnest was waiting for me, he had a bewildered look on his face. Apparently he didn't hear me say I was going to get a basket. He was appalled! He looked scared. Really scared and worried.

When I caught up to Earnest, he had a look of relief on his face and said, "Babe, I know these are hard times, but we CAN afford these groceries. I had no idea what you were doing when you took off. I thought you were making a run for the door without paying and I wasn't sure if I should cause a diversion or what I should do." To which I replied, "Start the car! Start the car!", "Whoaaaa!"

Total Grocery Bill: $15.91
Look on Earnest's Face When He Thought I Was Stealing: Priceless